When this began ( Read more... )

i think way to much for my own good, i think about everything until i find a solution to it , and i dont stop until i am finished. i hate it, i get myself to the point where i have to take sleeping pills to go to sleep. i guess i just love him so much and if we keep doing this i want to eventually get back with him. i dont want to end it with me ( Read more... )

everything that happens in your life has a meaning to it, it happens for a reason, that is how i feel rigt now, and only randy will know what i am talking about in this one, it feels good for this, it is helping me i know you are worried about me and how i will deal but this helps. please dont worry about me, i know what is right for me right now, ( Read more... )

ive learned in life that alot of things dont always end up the way you want them to, things always get messed up and just leave you in this little hole to think and not sleep and it hurts your stomach to eat, it kills you inside but you dont want to show it on the surface becasue you dont want anyonelse to know you are hurtin inside. you dont want ( Read more... )

i am confused right now, a part of me doesnt want to be with randy again but another part does so i need to choose a side so i can figure out if it would be ok to have sex with him. becasue part of me wants to think that it will be ok to have sex with him and just let him leave but the other half just want to lay naked in bed with him and just hug ( Read more... )

i am going through stages right now like the first thing i thought of when i woke up today and looked at the pretty sky was god i miss waking up with randy and feeling like nothing could touch us and everyhing would be good. he thinks i want to go out with people but what is the sense if at the end it never is good its just a waste of time to end ( Read more... )

last night was crezy i got so drunk and beligerent, but it was weird because randy was not there i was running off of 2 hours of sleep today came home at 5:00 and i just woke up and it is 10:04 and i am going back to sleep bacause i have to work early in the morning, and in case randy does read this i onlylike to go up to work when you are there ( Read more... )

well today was an ok day i think ? i gave kendra a cat from steve, and me and randy went on a delivery together and felt really weird but then later we were having fun, and now we are going to be friends and hang out and stuff. but that is sweet because i dont want to lose him all the way. and i think i have changed alot over these past few days ( Read more... )

another day to do someting to keep my busy. another day to hang out with old friends. it gets so boring with out knowing you have someone to talk to at the end of the night and say i love you. but i guessi have to get used to it. but i will try not to think about all this shit again, like the past 5 days but oh well i guess i am still waiting

i gave randy my livejournal name so he could read it but i dont know if he did, i did really good today not thinking aobout it and everything that is going on. but i was always in the back of my head. i just miss him. but there is nothing i can do about it and that is what kills me i want to call him but then i dont want to bother him and make him ( Read more... )