I feel like a guy at the altar, waiting for his bride to show up. She said she would. I try to assure everyone that she's coming, but every second that she's not there I feel more and more exposed. What makes the situation even more interesting is when someone else is involved. My lack of patients finally got to me today. Although in a way I ( Read more... )

What do you do when you're stuck in a game where everyone loses no matter what happens?

Well, at the very least i've managed to entertain myself the last couple of days. I wish I had a feeling that it was going to last. I like going out, I like having friends, but I hate the feeling that the second I get home I'm going to feel exactly like I did before I left. It's not as if I've done nothing to better my situation. I've even ( Read more... )

Well today was a pretty crappy day. Said a lot of things I didn't mean. I've been doing that a lot lately. I watched "Win a date with tad hamilton" with Jessie. I could completely relate to that movie, or at least a lot of the things said in it. Especially the part where they say something about when great love is rejected it makes a guy want ( Read more... )

I had this whole rant ready about other people sticking their noses in other people's business. I decided that I'm too mature to reduce myself to the level of those people by cursing and yelling at them. If you want to go around acting childish about things that don't have any affect on you at all, then by all means go ahead and ruin my life. I ( Read more... )

Well Jessie and I got back together. Needless to say I feel like I'm on top of the world. There's still a lot of things that we have to work through to get our relationship back to where it was, but I have complete faith that we'll make it. I think the biggest thing that got me through this was belief and trust in God. I went through some ( Read more... )

Yesterday things got really bad. I pulled out one my knives from when I worked for Cutco. I was grazing it lightly against my skin and I noticed that after a few seconds a cut had formed. At that point it was all too easy to keep going. I cried afterwards. Not because I was in pain, but because I knew that Jessie would be disappointed. I ( Read more... )

Well, so much for a good surprise from Jessie. At the end of the day I just want to die more than ever. How do you show someone that no one could possibly love them as much as you do? How do you get someone to give you that one more chance that you desperately need. I just want to show her how things would be if we got back together. I'm so ( Read more... )

   So much frustration built up inside.  But I'll start with the good news first.  I helped coach my little brother's hockey team with Brad today.  We won, which feels weird to say because coaching is so much different from playing.  When you play you know if you've made an impact on your team, when you coach you have no idea how things would've ( Read more... )

      I feel like I am going to die soon.  The rapid weight loss and lack of sleep are finally starting to catch up with me.  It's not like I want to die, I just want to live even less.  For the first time in my life I've actually lost the will to live.  I've wanted to die before, but there was always that will to live then.  All I feel is pain ( Read more... )