i'm tired of always being the problem. i'm tired of it always being my fault. why do i get the blame for everything when i sure as hell don't deserve it all.. you've fucked up too but never as bad as me. my faults are ruining us, my emotions, my anxiety, my moods, myself. you get angry when i don;t tell you what's going on so i do, then you tell me ( Read more... )

my cat is still getting sick which has me worried. he's old but i hate seeing him in pain ( Read more... )

my mood today is baffling me. i have energy but all i feel like doing is crying and  i can't cry. i feel a lot of anger but i'm repressing it. the same with this ball of anxiety in my chest. i almost feel numb but it feel like there are a lot of emotions wiggling around under the surface. I need to get past these feelings so i can study for my lab ( Read more... )

woke up at 3:30pm laid in bed till 4pm when i though i was going to go crazy from lying still. got up and made my coffee. and now i just got a lecture from my father about how drinking coffee isn't going to let me fall asleep. i know that, i'm not a fucking idiot, i was planning on getting up at 4:30am. but when 30min pass by of tossing and turning ( Read more... )

typing on my bf's laptop in the dark so please excuss rhe spelling.he's aslleep or pretending to be asleep. but he;s drunk so i/mpretty sure he's crashed out.had a pretty nice lazy day, which we needed afer the incident,*tv show*, ither other than that he seems to be fine. he's snornin awat and i'm awake. finally took my nightmeds around 1am, but i ( Read more... )

Honesty is almost never the best policy in my experiences. people want to hear what they want to hear. the only want the truth if it's convenient for them and it palatable. there was some movie that used the the qoute (I'm totally paraphrasing) "oh, the truth is like sunlight, people used to believe it was good for you but now they know better." ( Read more... )

yesterday really showed me how wonderful my friends here are and really got me through a horrible dark time. i can't tell you all how much you helped ( Read more... )

i'm alterating between crying, freaking out and being somewhat sane. i feel like i'm on a rollar coaster from hell and i can't get off. the diagnosis shook me up more than it should have and i don't relly know why. it's just a label and i know how i feel and i know my symptoms. I'm basically being treated for bipolar and depression and anxiety so ( Read more... )

finally got a straight answer out of my shrink about my disgnosis. I have Mood disorder NOS. which basically means I don't fall into th major catogories of Bipolar but have horrible mood swings that need mood stabalizers/antipsychotics, have axiety and panic disorder and exhibit OCD. this basically fits me to a T. it's basically a lumping system of ( Read more... )

i feel like i'm being sucked into a vortex of helplessness and hopelessness. i cried myself to sleep last night b/c i see know way out of it. i know it's just pms and it will pass but it doesn't really make it any better. all i want to do is cry and self-injure, and other nore darker things tht i won't go into. i feel like i'm at the end of my rope ( Read more... )