Nip / Tuck. Now that show is FUCKED UP. And I think I love it.

My Halloween costumes always fuction in three parts(soviet pirate ballerina, junkie punk cat, disco madonna princess, etc). It's like a well-rehearsed opera. Do operas have three parts? Perhaps some? Truthfully I've never seen one, but it's become a musical obsession as of late. I almost spent eighty dollars on La Traviotta & some Maria Callas ( Read more... )

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I bought false eyelashes today. They have green & black polka dotted feathers that sprout off of the outer edge.

I might get a tattoo from a native american medicine woman.

Ebay, you are FUCKING, BRILLIANT.

....OMG!!

I fell asleep with the TV on, and the infomercials that were on were incorperated into my dreams. I dreamt about P Diddy and Proactive facial wash. Then I dreamt about the Piccadilly cafeteria and how they have sugar free blueberry pie. Why does the Piccadilly Cafeteria ever have an infomercial on at like 4 AM ( Read more... )

An old man sitting at a table was waiting for his wife to serve dinner. He heard her beating a pot that had burned her. He hated the sound of a pot when it was beaten, for it advertised its pain in such a way that made him wish to inflict more of the same. And he began to punch at his own face, and his knuckles were red. How he hated red ( Read more... )

I would take the word reptilian as a compliment.

At work today, we sat around and quoted The Princess Bride for well over an hour.

My hair is about to be all shades of lizard green and cotton candy pink.

I miss having drawn on eyebrows. Nobody did it like Jean Harlow.

I'm fascinated by kidneys. They so crazy.

This whole time I thought THE CLAP meant chlamydia, not gonorrhea. I really need to get up to date on my STD slang. I was utterly convinved I had HIV. I'm too paranoid to have sex ever again, apparently. The only safe sex is abstinence? Pfft. The only safe sex is with myself ( Read more... )

Well, we finally found an apartment. We don't move in for another week or so. Which is why we decided to buy a caseof beer and break into our soon-to-be apartment. Well, we didn't break anything really. The door was unlocked for some reason. That's not very safe. But we ran around and planned how to fung shui everything. Since Larkin has ( Read more... )

So Larkin bought a tent last night, ingredients to make smores, and a bottle of cabernet. Camping out on the back porch is the only way to do it. Starting small fires in your back yard is crucial ( Read more... )