Relationships among the incompatibly neurodiverse are difficult; film at 11.

[maradydd]

For many years, one of my rules for dating me has been: I do not date anyone crazier than I am. Note that I am known for singing in public and juggling fruit in the grocery store, so by "crazy" I do not mean "weird"; I mean "mentally unstable in ways that make it difficult for you to conduct your day-to-day life". Broken is okay. Demolished is not

Comments

[kekhmet]

and if one judges even reasonably correctly who to talk to about it and when to do so, you might not only be getting it off your own chest and helping yourself process what happened (and what is happening now they are gone and you can't ever in future take it up with them someday*). You might also be creating a chance for that person to process and deal with things about the dead person too.

(which could be worded better, but I could spend hours on that, being me with my particular flaws...)

*(I think sometimes when people are alive one of the coping mechanisms for "someone I care about behaved in a not so great way that I didn't feel like I could speak to them about at the time" is the thought that perhaps sometime in the future there will be a time when it will be resolved with them in some positive fashion. Even if this is unlikely in a good many cases it still helps to be able to think it. and when they're gone, that possible way of dealing with the emotions it caused is cut off.)

[anaisdjuna]

I'm wondering if I know this friend

[selenite]

But it is a way of being that can lead to significant unhappiness if one has friends who are abusive or even just overly needy;

When we moved from Los Angeles to Texas one of the side effects was that we were not longer the most healthy/well-paid/competent people in a circle of friends (overlapping SCA household and pagan circle). Removing the stress of always having to help someone out was good for our mental (and financial) health. It was astonishing how fast the group broke up without us there to carry the burden.

[liandriel]

"If someone is dead and there is something you need to get off your chest about them, do it. Exercise reasonable discretion about other people's internal states (like, don't go bitching to a dead person's mother about what a terrible neighbour they were a week after the funeral), but fucking talk to somebody. The dead person is dead and cannot be hurt any further. Be kind to the living, but don't forget that you're one of them too."

This resonates so much.

[whswhs]

One of the most important principles I have learned in life comes from Bernard Shaw's Maxims for Revolutionists: You had better take care to get what you like or you shall have to like what you get. I think I read that in eighth grade and I have followed it most of my life. About the only maxim that compares with it for me as general advice is the principle of disregarding sunk costs.