I have such a need to be part of something, but I can't imagine what that might be ( Read more... )

if anyone knows of ways to kill themselves that are obtainable for a sick person, i would really appreciate it.  if a dog was in my situation it would either get adopted, fostered or killed. not being a dog, my only option is the latter ( Read more... )

surprise! I'm in a bad mood ( Read more... )

i'm ugly i'm depressed i'm lonely. i have no energy. i hate this. i need OUT.  i have nothing. no one.

I've been numb with depression for a while. Now less numb which means more emotional pain.  And I've been bored, which I know is actually a good sign since it means that my symptoms have abated enough to leave room for boredom.  And I'm lonely.  Before CFIDS I was a crazy avid reader (although I thought it was just normal.  I would often go weeks ( Read more... )

tired. pain. miserable. i want a comforting touch.  when i'm in bed with a man who i'm comfortable with, i get so much stress releif just from arm around me. it makes me so mad that i don't have a boyfriend or husband. it makes me feel like i'm penalized in life (which i am -- oh, the lists i could write, but i no longer care to, those are for ( Read more... )

Cozy. It can be this
Sorry, I don't know how to put the picture in here myself.
Or it can be the mother of childhood friends (3 sisters), who still lives across the street, sending me an e-mail and wanting to get together for a walk in the park. (We live right at the park.) 
And she sent me to a therapist, whom she went to therapist school with.  ( Read more... )

went to a really nice therapist tonight. first session. 2 blocks away in a building I babysat in a lot. she's friends with that family.  I liked her a lot.  and it was nice to be in the surroundings of one of those old timey upper west side apartments.  her office is a small room that used to be "the maid's room."  my building was renovated after ( Read more... )

    i'm even thinking of doing oprah's change your life book.  that's how much i don't know what to do to make my life bearable.  ugh! i hate this broken record of mine. oh, yeah, and the broken body and spirit too.  i really miss my former "friend with benefits."  8 years and now he refuses to talk to me. because of me being sick. he ditched me ( Read more... )

so isolated and lonely.  as i noted 6 years ago, my life is solitary confinement, which is what we do to punish prisoners ( Read more... )