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Missing Mind. Broken record.
I have lost my mind in so many ways and so many times during this illness. and now, I am so lonely. so isolated. I really don't have any friends in this city. and i live with such a fucking nightmare of a human being. i know i need a dog. i know. i know. but i really would rather have a person as a friend instead of a dog. i guess i really need ( Read more... ) -
Writing. How to learn how?
I may have written about this here before. I get confused about what I've written where -- in here, or in here but private, or in my paper journal, or perhaps I've just talked about it with people or e-mailed them. Yes, my life is a shambles. A disorganized mess. And I was so very organized Before. Not necessarily neat, but that was usually due ( Read more... ) -
A helpful injection
I've taken 3 injections of hepepressin (sorry about spelling), over the last 4 weeks and I think it may be helping. It takes a couple of days to kick in for me, but the last week has been my best in years. Of course, there could be some other factors as well, but I think that's always true.
Anyhow, I just thought I'd mention it. Of course, it ( Read more... ) -
Bad. Bad. Bad.
or should I say Bed. Bed. Bed ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
awful conversation with a friend of my mother (she died 7 years ago). all she did was whine and then try to defend my father from his behavior of starving me when I'm very sick and can't get out of bed. I am fucking sick of people defendng him for treating me like a piece of shit. -
My first meme
got it from belle marmotte, whom I don't know how to link to. sorry!
1. well, the nearest book didn't have 161 pages! I'll try another.
1. next one didn't work either as 161 was not in sentence form.
1. o.k. i give up. all my books are knitting related and apparently quite short. (like me!)
belle_marmotte
( Read more... ) -
funk. or fuck. whichever you prefer.
Sleep. Sleep is very important for me, yet, as you all know very hard to achieve. And restorative sleep? Forgetaboutit. However, a couple of months ago I discovered that taking vitamins helped me to fall asleep. This is in addition to my IV of vitamins and gamma globulin shot I was getting every other week or so. Sometimes I couldn't get to ( Read more... ) -
March, the month of.
I just looked at a calendar. I am horrified by the date. It's March this week! That makes me so so so miserable. so sad and feeling powerless. impotent. useless. truly an IN-val-ID.
I'm trying so hard to turn this thing around. or even just a few degrees. fuck. -
repeat rant about asshole father nothing new. that is the problem.
i hate him.
i hate how he treats me. or rather doesn't treat me at all.
i hate him.
i need to have someone whom i can be in the same room as to care about me. all i have are you wonderful cyber friends and people in other places. sort-of. i dont' really have any people i've met who i can count on. maybe one. 250 miles away. i can't bear this. i ( Read more... ) -
Trying (in every sense of the word)
I am trying so hard to keep it together. And to do a few things that might help
== like eating (the problem for me is having the food to eat. next problem is being well enough so that eating doesn't make me sick).
I try so very hard to be positive and not focus on my humungous losses, and deprivations and all the things I never got to do or ( Read more... )