I genuinely feel like I've wasted my life up until this point, along with the time of everyone who I've interacted with

Another CPD session at work, another reminder of my uselessness, another reminder that while I'm there all I am is a drain on other people.

Human waste taking up humans' space

In the assembly this morning the topic was the environment. The teacher leading the assembly asks us to think of and hold in our minds places where we feel truly welcome. I think of the places that I spend time in such as my home, pubs, outdoor spaces, my friends' homes, my place of work and conclude that there is nowhere that I feel welcome ( Read more... )

Sitting around a table in a training meeting with colleuges and crying, just keeping it together enough by pretending to wipe scratch underneath my eye or adjust my glasses. I feel like I am a child again in school having to pretend I'm not crying in this quite visible setting. Feeling trapped because I have to be here, but can't actually ( Read more... )

I remember an attractive woman in a nightclub calling me sexy, and my reaction was to assume she was mocking me in some way.

Today, during the morning assembly, I and repeating 'I hate myself' in my head. I count the words on my fingers as I go. Sometimes I'm doing this but I could the syllables.

"Living on this station is torture for me, Doctor. The temperature is always too cold, the lights always too bright, every Bajoran on the station looks at me with loathing and contempt. So one day, I decided I couldn't live with it anymore. And I took the pain away."

Character Elim Garak from The Wire written by Robert Hewitt Wolfe

A work in progress

"This sixteen shillings has got to provide the entire nourishment, including fuel, of three persons, two of them adult. The first question is whether it is even theoretically possible for three persons to be properly nourished on sixteen shillings a week. When the dispute over the Means Test was in progress there was a disgusting public wrangle ( Read more... )

I have this strong conviction that I am deadweight in my workplace. My experience over the last 3 years has made me think that, with the correct circumstances beyond my control, I would be shown the exit.