"I can't find the words. I look for them, but I can't find them."

[matildabj]

My Mum was for many years head of department at a large secondary school. After my Dad's death she retired to the North-East of England, where she grew up. She had a full and active life here, socialising, a member of local history and reading groups, taking courses with the U3A and walking with the Ramblers

Comments

[happytune]

Will definitely donate. Thank you for sharing this, and I send you an enormous hug.

[matildabj]

Thank you. When Mum first got her diagnosis, it seemed so alien that she would one day become so incapable. Now the reality is here, I'm struggling to remember her as she was, which is why I'm posting about it.

[kalypso_v]

It's very sad to see her disappearing inside herself, and you have all my admiration for standing by her.

It's ironic that, despite her difficulty finding the words, she finds words so apt to describe her predicament.

[matildabj]

I couldn't not care for her. The alternative is her going into a care home. She's fit and healthy, far more so than most of her peers (no aches and pains at all), and for her life to end like that would be too awful to contemplate. So I'm here, to try and give her the best quality of life I can. She's worked so hard her whole life for financial security, something I'm now benefiting from, so to ensure her life is as good as it can be seems like the least I can do.

It's the longest sentence she's constructed for a while - she doesn't often come out with things like that.

[dalehead]

This post is heartbreaking and I'll donate something at the end of the month when we're paid.

For what it's worth, I think you're amazing and very wonderful.

[matildabj]

Thank you, and thank you. I'm really not wonderful, but it's nice of you to say so. *hugs* :)

[thegoyle]

Absolutely will support. It was hard enough to see my mum defeated by ordinary old age. And these are memories that will remain, even alongside happier times.

Well done for being so strong. You really are, even if it doesn't feel like it.

[matildabj]

Thank you and thank you. One of my main motivators for keeping going is that however bad I feel, it's a million times worse for Mum. And she can't have a day off.

[msilverstar]

What a nightmare for your mum, I'm glad you are there for her.

[matildabj]

It's awful for her, her worst nightmare. Alzheimer's is worse for the people around the sufferer, but PSP is definitely worse for the person afflicted by it. And there's absolutely nothing that anyone can do.