A lesson on the ever-wonderous game known as Powerball. The Powerball is a $1 lottery game played in 27 states including Minnesota, discluding Texas. ((sorry)) It is your typical lotto game where every Wednesday and Saturday night at 10.59pm, 5 (out of 55) white balls are drawn from one bucket, and 1 (out of 42) red Powerball from another. You ( Read more... )

Gophers are down with a most disappointing loss. We were up 34-31 until the last 30 seconds. On the Gopher's own 17-yardline, punter Justin Kucek fumbled the snap, recovered, punted into Badger's Jonathan Casilla's chest! Casilla blocked the ball into the Gopher's endzone, where it was recovered by Badger's Ben Strickland for the touchdown. ( Read more... )

so I "didn't get anything at the sex party"... but my hands were still numb when I got home from holding onto so many vibrators. I have to go shower all the vaginas out of my hair and under my nails ( Read more... )

On my way home from my usual Thursday night Perkins with Jon, my van got a flat. I pulled over. Stranded. In the middle of nowhere. Late at night. I had recently watched a show on TLC about psychics solving murder mysteries and finding entities in houses and shit so I'm freakin out about ghost stories because I'm a pussy, fuck you. So I had ( Read more... )

It's been the kind of week that leads wiser men than me to remark that ( Read more... )

Today it is Canadian Thanksgiving which is also one of the top ten reasons why the US is less smart than other countries; Canada gets a holiday over with hella before us fuckers do and they're not running around going AHHH HALLOWEEN AHHH THANKSGIVING AHHH CHRISTMAS BLAAAH AHHH RAAAAAAAHHHH!!?!

The fucking asshole next door is sitting on his harley in the driveway, re v v in' it over and over again. I want to go out there and do something bizarre like strum a banjo on my lawn or turn on the hose and water the same spot for ten minutes ( Read more... )

The next time you’re at home preparing a healthy meal for yourself, en route to a good night’s sleep, you might want to consider instead the route of the drunken asshole. Always a crowd pleaser, barrel of laughs and guaranteed good time for all. How might one achieve such stature? Read on, good friend ( Read more... )

Some days when I'm far away in a lonely room in a cold seclusion, some nights when I'm wound so tight there is no release. There is no solution. In hell there's a big hotel where the bar just closed and the windows never open. No phone so you can't call home, and the TV works, but the clicker is broken, but in the darkness, I see your light ( Read more... )

Some fucking asshole tied up their dog outside of the coffeeshop in the rain. He is soaked and whimpering and kind of old-looking. I burst into tears seeing him and ran all the way back here. I think I might go back and say something and have a total Jerry Maguire flip out in the coffee shop and then people will be all, "usually she is quiet and ( Read more... )