Conceptions - 10.b

[meicailya]

Title: Conceptions of the Self - Home - Mei's Fanfic Master List
FIC Summary: [2007, AU] Sore throats, nightmares, and the differences between organics and Cybertronians - something is terribly wrong with Sam. To live is to evolve, and shape alone is not enough; think of it as a mutual learning experience. (Bot!Sam, PTSD, Mech/mech)
1, 2, 2.b, 3,

Comments

[meicailya]

But I dun wanna :< OH, WE'RE ALL CREEPY HERE

ekhfwefs, sorry -- I'm never sure how many people on FF.N actually read the intermissions, and BB's was a little too important for me to leave it up to chance. I didn't mean to make it seem that way :<

[meicailya]

I wear my SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT! Haha, wtf. No one is ever happy where I'm at in a story >:(
I am not actually perturbed by this, and understand quite well, haha. I'm just a whiny person who had to wake up at five to go sit in a stuffed room for three hours for a five minute job interview when I still have to show up for another one Sunday, haha *DEATH STAB OF MURDERING*

On the up beat, you might get sick of new!Autobot!Sam by the end of chapter eleven. It's like, BABY STEPS, PLZ

[rainlightautumn]

!!!!

:D

I think you actually conveyed BB's angst in a wonderful way. I mean, it wasn't, "AGH LET ME SIT IN A CORNER AND SLICE MY FUEL LINES WITH A BROKEN RECORD AND CHANGE MY PAINT SCHEME TO BLACK, THE COLOR OF MY SOUL" like Prime's was, but I think that BB's was a little more touching. He is obviously suffering immensely. It kind of made me think of when close family members have died, and I just felt kind of numb, knowing I should be sad, but replaying everything I ahd ever done wrong with them, you know? I actually got BB's angst more than Prime's.

ANYWAY, long rant on angst aside, I adored this. It was so awesome to get a glimpse of BB's POV on stuff. I particularly loved his rant on how disgusting humans are, but Sam is okay. And his explanation of how he did some of those evil things to Sam because he was high. XD Also, that he was created by Decepticons.

I adored this. Wonderful job!

[meicailya]

(The first time I saw your icon, I was like "WTF cute!" and then I was just like "O__o;" and now I'm back to "AWWWW~"
to be fair, the "O__o;" stage was mostly due to the head fins and perspective, lol)

BB's angst came easier than Prime's, that was for sure. Overall, it sounds like I got the response I wanted for his situation -- the fact that he is rather numb and feeling a little lost, but he's not letting that stop him from doing what he needs to do.

High!Bee certainly does explain all the chirping, crooning and other noises he made, doesn't it? 8D (And wouldn't make so much sense why Autobots partner with humans if it got them high, lol?)
Deception!Bee is rather popular, but usually he doesn't know he was one. I, on the other hand, though that his whole motivation in the war would be better explained as a giant "fighting inner demons on wide scale" thing for him. He is a nice guy, but he can be pretty ruthless, too.
RE Lubricating on Simmons: HE'S LIKE "WHAT? IT WASN'T BATTERY ACID."

[rainlightautumn]

Thanks! The perspective thing? Yeah has never been my forte. lol ^^

Your comments always make me smile/lulz.

I wonder how BB is going to react when Sam is back (I'm making assumptions, but whatev, lulz). It could go a few different ways in my mind--he's just like, "oh, good, we freaking missed you! *hugs*" or "oh, you were gone? *denial denial denial*" or he could be totally "SAM. GONE. YOU COMPLETE ME. *clings*" Or, you know, various others.

I forgot to mention how much I loved Jazz in this part (do I really need to? lulz). He didn't say a lot, but what he did was succinct and powerful (the convo on nightmares? yeah, awesome).

[meicailya]

Perspective sucks >:( I hates it.

I think the next thing people are going to be wanting to see once BotSam is in the picture IS the reunion. I think I'm going to make a lot of people sad/upset, haha ... um. (GO AHEAD, MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. IDC, it's fun to see where people think the story might be going! :D )
My original version of the reunion scene ... was the last option completely, lol. Which is probably why I took it out, because after all of Sam's drama, it was just out of place. I am a "YAY SUNSHINE AND BUBBLES AND HEA" person, and it's generally my first instinct, but ...

You know what? You just inadvertently pointed out that I took out the explanation of why it was Jazz who was there to GET chased. URGH. (It's nothing big, just that he had cabin fever, 'sall) But I'm glad you liked. I'm pretty insecure about how to portray the other bots ... Bee and Ratchet I have down, though, haha 8D

[carnadosa]

So I don't know much about transformers (I think maybe I watched Beast Wars a couple times? Did they used to have 3Dish stuff?) or seen the movie and I don't know how I got here but this here is pretty much awesome squared. I want to hug it and squeeze it and call it George (in the Bugs Bunny way because Of Mice and Men made me want to spork an eye). The only way it could be better is if I had found it later when it was finished.

Oh! And the thing that did not happen, did that really not happen? (With Judy's job?) Because with the constant "people are lying!" and "POV restrictions!" I am confused if it really didn't happen.

[meicailya]

(Yes, Beastwars did indeed do 3D :3 )
:D :D :D :D I'm glad you liked it so much! Especially since you haven't seen any of the source media. I wish I could help you figure out how you got here, but I get lost on the internet all the time myself, so :B

While there was no indication of this in film, yes, Judy's job and her confrontation with Sam is indeed canon to Conceptions of the Self. :3 Sam has a psychotic grudge against S7, but loves his mom, so he made himself forget it so that he doesn't think badly of her -- so he ends up assuming that he was disowned or something, when really Judy was just trying to help.
"Conceptions of the Self" does play around a lot with POV restrictions and does trap the reader in Sam's perceptions and the natural falibility of all living things, but there are no psychotic delusions or daydreams. Even when Sam's mind trips out and he spouts one-liners, he usually corrects himself in narration.

[porphyrogenitos]

You tease. I was so sure that Chapter 11 had been posted... but I can more than live with this. Oh yes, BB angst is so much more interesting to read (the pathos! The imagery!) than crawling in my skin! Angst!Prime. (Incidentally, I keep thinking "battleship" whenever I see the BB nickname, because that was/is the acronym the US Navy used to designate battleships - no idea why, because there's no extra B in battleship, but there you are.)I'm rapidly running out of good things to say about this story, but I will say that I like the way you've been filling in the holes as far as Cybertronian culture goes. Heck, I could even say that you do a damn fine job of actually depicting the Transformers as, y'know, the robots they are supposed to be. Too many Transformers fanfics are inconsistent in this regard - and for a perfectionist like me, it's rather jarring to hear them use human terminology and idioms even during their own self-contained PoV segments. Ugh

[meicailya]

:< I seem to be doing that to more than a few people. I do feel badly for tricking people, especially because I didn't even think of it. I am not that devious! (Whoops, haha, I'll try to remember not to use that to avoid confusion. I don't much care for the 'BB' and 'BBB' abbr. anyway.)I've caught a few places where I forget and I've used human terms, but it normally jars me out of typing when I'm writing it and catch myself messing up, haha

[porphyrogenitos]

Ja, the problem is that I can't think of anything really negative to say about this story as of yet. But fear not - if I take issue with something, you'll definitely be the first to know. ;>

Indeed, Bumblebee's musings and the lingering unease he feels towards humans simply for being, well, human in this intermission pretty much answered that particular question for me, and was a nice touch of realism as well. New allies (to say nothing of two different species) are hardly going to trust each other implicitly, even after the events of the movie. So yes, I certainly agree with you there.
Oh, it wouldn't surprise me at all if the Autobots realize that wide swaths of humanity already harbor very Decepticon-like traits, so giving potential psychopaths the opportunity to make themselves Decepticons in reality as well as in ideology would probably not be the wisest idea, heh. I was merely thinking over the implication that they could create more Cybertronian life-forms through the process that Sam is undergoing...

[meicailya]

Yay~! (I should hope you're not talking smack about CotS behind my back :B )

Yeah, I foresee some questions about the fact that the Autobots don't ask the government for help, and it's exactly that. They just feel better doing it themselves the way they always have.
I took out some of the more blatant hints in the various Sam-Bee discussions of the Decepticon traits of humanity. Besides, S7 makes that rather obvious, haha.
Oh, I wasn't trying to lecture you, I apologize if I made it sound that way. I was just throwing in my more blatant two-cents, :B so I guess you could say I always sound like I'm lecturing someone. Mostly, I was laughing at the thought that humanity would think it might be able to fight the Autobots, who have been doing this for longer than we have records. (Of course, sure, it's just a better idea not to give away the technology, because there is always THAT ONE GUY who makes you regret having ever been so relaxed about something.)

[ibythetide]

i have waited for this interlude, craved it in a way i couldn't understand until i finished reading. bumblebee's confusion and sadness are fully realized here and i love it. you really get across the strange dichotomy of bumblebee being a very long lived, experienced, sentient alien who is also very young in terms of other transformers. i love what that means and how well you use it.

your title, i know, but i really enjoy the questions you bring in terms of identity, how society molds it, and how a non-human race would approach the subject. absolutely fascinating. you don't dabble in philosophy do you? i'd still respect you if you do, i promise.

loving your technobits as i, someone who only knows transformers from their 80s incarnations, three comicbooks, a couple episodes of Beast Wars, and the movie, am able to understand and make sense of it.

i have enjoyed every interlude and am now insanely curious about Jazz. like, i was before because he came back from the dead. hizzah! but now you've mentioned that he dreamed