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just because
just because i cant think of a dmn thing to write about olive doesnt mean i wont write today, even if its just random thoughts and total shit. i did over 16k steps today. my watch and step counter misfired this morning and i hit 4.1 miles instead of 3. definently a good whoops ( Read more... ) -
in retrospect
im down to 175 lbs. started weight watchers at the very end of may, and it's mid-july and im down 14 lbs. im pretty excited to be able to go back to work after the summer off and be able to say "i lost 15 lbs this summer." probably one of my biggest accomplishments ( Read more... ) -
it wasnt the adderall that kept me up at night - it was the mania
of all the things in the world to have changed my life, unnecessary birth control seemed to be the last possibility ( Read more... ) -
Beginnings
Extreme reactions-including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions-to abandonment, whether real or perceived ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Not much has changed regarding my use of drugs. I am prescribed multiple medications - antipsychotics, benzodiazepines, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medcations, and sleep medications. I fluctuate between wanting tolty medication free and wanting to stay high all the time ( Read more... ) -
Emptiness
Years ago, I didn't know what this was. I didn't know that I was fundamentally flawed; that I was broken from the inside out; that I was destined to feel like an empty vessel for the rest of my life. I thought that I was hyper or that I played dumb too often. I thought that I was a defiant child or a difficult girlfriend ( Read more... ) -
uncomfortable
i cant move ( Read more... ) -
somehow the loneliness never got better
i think back to 2006 - the year i met my husband. i cant imagine that he would want me now. im totally broken in body and spirit. i rage, i cry, sometimes i laugh while crying and have no idea what is going one. i sob for my mom, i literally pull my hair out over the simplest thing. i beat myself up - litearlly - because i can't seem to get a ( Read more... ) -
close but no cigar
"close but no cigar" is an idiom. i taught idioms to my students last week ( Read more... ) -
7 years
I remember bits and pieces from that day. Of course, I remember the last time I ( Read more... )