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Hanging round you beat the seasons. You can't keep up, but they can't keep you down.
I think I'm going to start writing once in a while so I can keep track of where my days are going ( Read more... ) -
When I'm Writing When I Shouldn't Be
When I finally decided to get my Saves The Day tattoo, I still felt slightly rushed. I knew that I had wanted to get it before tour started. I had carried the basic image of what would become branded on my body. Everything else included was a small detail that I had hastily tacked on at the near end.
Saves' Lotus tee was the second shirt I had ever ( Read more... ) -
ALL I CARE ABOUT ANYMORE IS JIMMY EAT WORLD.
I've been actively writing in my other lj about things that no one cares about: that dude, feelings associated with that dude, my reactions to that dude, more in-depth whining about that dude, Jimmy Eat World.
I realized that for so many years I always said "If I just had this one thing, I'd be happy." I've learned this year- that isn't true. ( Read more... ) -
Clarity.
I think now it's about time to start actually being the person I've always wanted to be. I know that the world is shitty and that people suck; I don't want to contribute to that. I don't want to say or do things in the future that could potentially hurt anyone. Things make sense to me. I almost feel grateful because it's made me realize that I've ( Read more... ) -
oh well, okay.
I gave myself a headache from watching youtube videos in bed all day. I woke up and for once, didn't feel terrible because I wasn't going to do anything. It feels good to more accepting of my nothingness lifestyle. Last night I thought about sending that dude a text and asking how his Thanksgiving was and hoping he'd possibly slip in something ( Read more... ) -
some shit.
I painted my nails for the first time in a long time just now. I don't know why, but color seemed like the perfect right thing to do. My mom showed my dad photos from my brother's wedding, so I showed him my drawings, the Saves video, the buddy system interview and a small part of the documentary. He didn't say anything; I didn't expect him to. He ( Read more... ) -
I've been waking up the last couple of days from vivid, weird, realistic dreams that absolutely terrify me. I'm not sure what they're all about. I've been thinking too much about death lately. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it, but it's getting worse again. At the end of the day I just feel guilty and tired.
I'm slowly opening a store to ( Read more... ) -
can't sleep.
I'm left in the cold so I don't break down
rotting a little slower than I would underground
Everyone is against me, so I'm starting to slant
Leaning to the right next to all I have left
I sleep while I stand, just a shell of a me
Already cracked open, the daymares have me
Once had hope, though half empty I still saw the cup
Now I'm only half full of ( Read more... ) -
I'm writing this because I don't know how to say it to anyone. I've been keeping a day by day in my secret private journal throughout everything.
I feel like a complete asshole whenever I've been asked how I am doing. I really don't want to burden anyone else with my bullshit and the things that have been going on in my mind throughout the past ( Read more... )