New Year resolutions? I should pin them up somewhere in my room. Remind myself. Beat the affliction of forgetfulness.

1. Floss every day before I go to bed!

As I grow up I realize I like pretty teeth. Something about good teeth is beautiful to me.

2. Be kinder to my family members.

I thought being bitchy would distance me from the drama, but it just ( Read more... )

If I had one wish…

To know what to say.

What a gift.

I write these entries and then I erase.

Not knowing how to say it.

Not even knowing what to say.

My feelings are so up and down all the time.

One minute I want to be so careless. I hate the ties and the connections.
I want to be free and pretend that everyone just doesn't care about me. Or maybe that I ( Read more... )

Its just burns.

The edges of the "L" and the "e" are curling inward as the heat destroys.

So I un-deleted my journal.  I came to this decision while sitting in the bathroom stall at Ohlone. I grabbed the edges of my fuzzy beanie and pulled down hard over my ear and eyes. I hate the smell of public bathrooms. I hate everything about public bathrooms, the noises, the smells, the bloods stains on the wall. I hate when girls take up the ( Read more... )

The splatter of red upon the pavement.
The click click of my leather boots.
I hate pants.
I just wear mens shirts, literally.

I'm sick of straighting my hair.
I don't even comb it anymore.
Unruly curls dominant.

Unforgiving.
I turn off my cell during the weekend.
I can't resist him.
I don't care what it is or who were are together.
I will promise the ( Read more... )

I'm still in love with who I wish you were.

I'm still trying to figure out this journal. What it means to me. And why I keep it. I keep thinking, I should just delete. That the attachment to the past is much too overwhelming. Or that when I have something to say I will find ways to express that are better than this. That leave me feeling whole, ( Read more... )

Yesterday I was standing in my kitchen turning on my stove. I didn't feel extraordinary. I was watching the news of the election on the T.V. Obama had not won yet. The polls had not closed in California. I felt happy and optimistic. I was not an extremist nor had I rushed to the crowds to scream his name. But when they called out his name. His name ( Read more... )

To be better than this.


( Read more... )

oh my god I love sleep.

You're just a boy.
A stupid boy.

I said I would make you cry.
I think I could.

But I'm just a girl.
And I smile when it hurts.
I put you first.
I always do.

I wish you would listen to me.
I wish you would really listen.
Without your hand on the door.

You're such a stupid boy.

Cyn