I Love You - the sequel- [The time, The World and You]~Part Two~

[miekissluv]

Title: I Love You - the sequel- [The Time, The World and You]

Pairing: Yukido

Disclaimer: I don’t owned any of the people in this story and everything that was written in this story is fictional only; none of them were true facts.

Summary: Hyde had confessed his feeling to Yukkie, but would Yukkie ready to move on? This is a sequel for I Love You

~Part One~

I Love You - the sequel- [The Time, The World and You]~Part Two~



“Safe journey you guys,” Tetsuya send them off, waving his hand. “Oh! Work hard Yukkie!” He just remembered to add.

“Don’t push yourself…” Ken cuts him off; having Tetsuya glaring at him after that. Yukkie smiled at them both and waves goodbye.

Hyde drove away to the highway, exiting from the city.

“Umm… So… Is it okay that you had to wait?” Yukkie timidly asked.

“Don’t mind, I had a lot of works to do in between… Geez… Tet-chan forced me to take it back home with me, how cruel is that?” Yukkie turned to look at the back of the car where there’s papers scattering on the seats, mostly was either unfinished lyrics or unfinished scores.

“Ken said the same things too just now… ‘I want rest!’ he said,” Yukkie smiles as he told Hyde about Ken’s complaint to him.

“I want rest too!!!” Yukkie chuckles a little when Hyde shouted that; Hyde turned to Yukkie and smiled.

Yes, I had confessed my feeling to Yukkie… Surprised?! I have confessed it when it’s even barely a week after Yukkie discharge from the hospital… I was surprised myself too… But Yukkie don’t… He wasn’t surprised to hear it. I blurted it out; it was out of the blue. We came home from a session of his therapy, while he was settling down after tiring psychoanalysing himself and his feelings with his therapist, I had blurted my feeling out and I don’t even realize it… how funny right, when there’s nothing triggering me to do so but it had happened… I closed my mouth as soon as the words come out of it, but the words have reached his ears anyway; it was loud and clear and there’s no turning back. I don’t know why Yukkie wasn’t surprised by my sudden confession; he acted like it was something that… that… I don’t know… I guess it was as if he heard it so many times before… I meant of course he had heard it from other people before but it was like he had heard ‘me’ saying that before even if it wasn’t ‘so many times before’. While it was really the first time I ever confessed to him… Okay, I admit it that I said it before, one time during his first night in the hospital; I was so drained out, I needed to cry so much… That even when the doctor asked me about him and the injury he had, I couldn’t answered him properly… there was more spacing out than I actually explaining to him… So when I arrived at his room, I cried and say everything that was necessary… But there’s no ways he had heard it, he were unconscious at that time! The nurse had confirmed it to me that he hadn’t wake up yet; before I entered his room… So of course that one time can’t be count as me confessing; it was just me telling my feelings to the unconscious Yukkie, that’s all! But… when I really confessed to him this time, he looked at me as if he would say “Yea… I know… You had told me before… So…” expecting me deliberates on it than what I had expecting him to react on it. So I did the exact thing, I told him everything… almost everything, I was avoiding on mentioning her to him… You know, when I thought about it again I understand why I had blurted it out… I was the one triggering myself into doing it, without I even realized it. It was because I was so afraid, I had been thinking about it too much… so much that at one point I couldn’t control it any longer, so I did what I’ve done. I was afraid of losing Yukkie again… I’m almost losing him few days before it and I didn’t want that to happen again… Losing him for real… At that moment, the moment when I saw Yukkie almost soulless body in front of me; I realized how exactly Yukkie felt… I was running like crazy, carrying him on my back; trying my best to get him to the hospital as soon as possible… But the more I tried to save him, the more I felt like Yukkie was seconds away from completely gone. Even at the time we arrived at the hospital, when they tried their best to save him, when the doctor told me that he was fine, or even when he’s explaining to me everything, nor could even the time I was at his side waiting for him to open his eyes; I couldn’t bring myself into believing Yukkie is safe, that he’s alive; feeling like Yukkie is dying on me, dying in my arms… dying in my own arms, when I was the one who should’ve protected him!! Felt like I was the one who’d killed him… I couldn’t even say that Yukkie was alright when I am living with him; every single day I’m paranoid myself with thoughts of Yukkie is death, every single second! It felt so dreadful; even so that Yukkie was in front of me, I was searching for a prove to believe that Yukkie is there with me. At the end I had to tell him, and that I’m subconsciously told him that I love him… I was pushed by the thought of I didn’t want lose him, that I’m afraid that he was slipping away from me to somewhere far… somewhere out of my reach… to somewhere in the point of no return… I would never see him again. I don’t want that to happen! I can’t afford to lose him again, I can’t live without him! All that’s because I love him… I couldn’t imagine living without him… it’s a little unfair for me to say that isn’t it? Unfair… I gone through the same thing Yukkie had gone through, I felt what Yukkie had felt; I almost loss a person that I loved so much that I can’t live without him… and Yukkie loss a person that he loved so much that he couldn’t live without her… Yet, Yukkie is still alive and she really is death… You see how unfair it was to Yukkie when I said I don’t want to lose him again; totally against him killing himself for the sake of her… it was as if I didn’t tried to understand him, I was drown in my own selfish feeling…

**

“Ugh!!!” Hyde put down the paper, and stared it together with about another ten more similar papers; all scattered on top of the coffee table. He had that waiting area all to himself that he was allowed to do whatever he pleased with no interruption from anyone; except for the receptionist that was staring at him all the time, smiling cheerfully all together while doing so.

A sigh escaped his mouth and he leaned back; he knew that he couldn’t concentrate much today, and it was for no reason. Ever since this morning; he felt like as if there was a heavy cloud in mind, waited it’s time to let go and let it rain. He closed his eyes; hoping to get some rest, even though he had been resting a lot today; he just wasn’t feeling of doing anything much. Nothing much that he wanted to do except for spending his day with Yukkie; that is what he really want.

I was a little late… Huh! Who am I kidding?! I was really late! I could have had him if I wasn’t this slow! My relationship with him, before she’d came into the picture? What is it like? How is our relationship before she showed up? It’s was… nothing more than a friend… in fact it is more like a ‘friend at your workplace’ kind of friend… like you may be close with that friend but “no, not that closed; we haven’t talked much” if you been asked… That’s how much slow I am… I was the only one he had great difficulties to bond with. It was difficult to understand, why we having problems to bond with while he looked like a friendly-nice-good-polite-looking kind of guy; but we just don’t. Maybe that’s because I wasn’t talking to him much in the beginning; and he is a little shy sometime; so maybe that’s why. It wasn’t that I don’t want to talk to him; why would I, not that I despised him so why would I don’t want to talk to him when we’re in the same band… And I don’t have any reason to despise him at all… It’s just that, at that time everything were kind of messy, chaotic… that everything need to be taking care of, so I don’t have time to get to know him;  by the time he stepped in, we have him ready to work. But I was a little pissed at him in the beginning, for a couple of reasons... I said I am pissed, it doesn’t mean I hate him… just, pissed off. Why? Maybe because at each time that he think I wasn’t looking at him and he thought that I didn’t know he was eyeing me working, he would grinned all by himself like there was something very funny about me, that as if he tried his best not to laugh, and he does it a lot!! At first I thought that maybe something wrong with me, I went around asking everyone if I looked weird and no one said something that can help me to understand his behaviour; everything was fine and yet he still do it, he still grinning like I was so that funny to him… I’m glad that I finally asked him one day; very glad to know why it is… and glad… because, if I haven’t asked him, I guess we would remained pretty much stranger to each other… That’s was how I actually starting to close the gap between us… And that’s only one thing I pissed about, the other is the one remain as unsolved till these day… You know, I didn’t realize it… but as it entered the third week we were working together; I turned to my left, I would saw Ken cigarette smoking with Yukkie laughing as if he choked on his own cigarette… then I turned to my right, and I saw Tet-chan… he was asking Yukkie on something, Yukkie smiled at him and nodded; then Tet-chan would say something else… the next thing I know is I was eavesdropped on their conversation of where they  should meet up, which shops sold the stuffs that was up to their taste… Then, when I walked away, feeling somewhat pissed; there’s he was again talking to one of the staff, sharing information on the new game they’d played. It’s like he was everywhere… everywhere that I go, and yet not even a single second Yukkie would spend talking to me on that day! I was pissed because he hadn’t take notice of me… that’s even he knew my existence, he hasn’t trying to approach me. He would rather let me do my work and he done his work; the day would pass by just like that; everyday would be like that… I am pissed… I remember how I would came home from band practices and pissed off with him, ranting everything on whatever none-living things there were in my house… “Why would I even bother?” I said it everyday… Even so after we were able to connect to each other better; there’s still time where I just randomly pissed at him; seeing him closer to someone else… I guess I want to always be the one who is closest to him…

“Sir…” Hyde opened his eyes, getting the sight of the receptionist standing in front of the table.

“Would you want me to bring you a coffee? You seem to be really stressed right now,” She offered.

“No, thanks… I think I ran up to the vender machine and get one… Hmm… But is it okay if I leave this like that?” Hyde pointed out at the scattering paper; the receptionist smiled and nodded. Hyde smiled back and on his feet, taking the direction where he thought he saw a vender machine.

So there… I wasn’t closed to him; but we were developing our… friendship… developing our friendship slowly. Yea, I am not as closed as how it was with him and Ken or Tet-chan… but we were better by each time… admit that I pissed thinking why can we be closer, but part of me was always glad we gone through that hardship. So you know it is always slow with us, but what slower is me… It’s took me ages to finally saw how much I love him… And by the time I was gathering my strength to told him; preparing myself with the thought of if he wouldn’t accept my feeling, I have to move on with my life and accepting his decision, hoping that we could still remain friend; he was acting weirdly… As the day I thought of “This is it, this is the day”; Tet-chan approached Yukkie and asked “Yukkie, you not by any chance were hiding a secret from us right? You know… Like… I’m dating someone right now?” Of course he’d denied it… with a blush on his face… and stammering as he was trying to tell us ‘the truth’… Only later that he sat down and told it as it is; she was his first girlfriend back in the junior high school days… No, not his first love, he said that one didn’t turned out to be more than he admiring a very cute girl in his elementary school; but she is his first girlfriend for real… Well… the one that he kissed in the forest… Yup, that’s the girl! Say it as you may… but I immediately thought of what kind of a girl would she be if she was the girl he kissed in the forest… Not a very pleasant thought… But it wasn’t for long; after I heard his stories… The whole stories… ‘The summer camp and forest kiss’ stories … I know she’s a very nice woman; and by the way, it’s Yukkie! So that’s how I actually admitted my lose… I was slow that I’m late for Yukkie…

“Ahh… Finally! One down and…” Hyde picked up the other papers; motivated, he placed everything neatly in stacked, “Nine more to go? Ugh!! This is taking me forever!” Lost all his motivation after he has counted the amount unfinished jobs he had.

Hyde glances at his wrist watch; there’s still plenty of time before the session over. “Well, there’s no point continuing on this when I wasn’t in the mood anymore,” He wasn’t in the mood at the beginning to even start with. Hyde looked around and found a small bookshelf that have number of magazines ranging from entertainments to business one’s next to him; he picked one of the famous entertainment magazine that was there. By the looks of it, Hyde can tell that the magazine was a little bit outdated; he then looked at the date to confirm it, it was months old. He flipped through the pages; wasn’t in full attention into reading it, he just wanted something to kill his time. Somehow; there’s was one page that has a few pictures on it like every other page would had, that attracted his attention. He didn’t read the title for the article in that page, nor that it was all that pictures that make him halted; but it was a picture, just one picture regarding that article that had him staring at it beyond the others that was there. He really familiar with that picture; and of course the other pictures too, but that one was the one that had the most. It was a picture of three of them; him, Yukkie and Ken; on the street walking toward something and they were wearing black clothing, had all their faces hide with caps and Yukkie with hooded; the picture was shoot from the far, and there’s writing explaining the picture underneath it. ‘Car Accident, Death Girl and Biggest Rock Star… What They Have In Common is What We Didn’t Know’ was written big in red and bold as the headline of the article, ‘The secret, fine thread of recent country’s worst car accident with nation’s favourite rock band, L’Arc~en~Ciel’ was written under the big headlines.

I read this article before, when it was published. I remembered it was Tet-chan who had called me, “You have to read this article… But make sure Yukkie nowhere near while you at it would you,” then five minutes after he hung up, Ken emailed me ‘… they revealed about Yukkie connection, make sure Yukkie didn’t see this…’ was something along the lines. But I was alone with Yukkie in his house at that time so I wasn’t able to get one right away; but as soon as I read it, I was terrified for it was going to be tough for Yukkie after that. And I was right; the next day Ken had difficulties to get to Yukkie’s house as a swarm of reporters wanted to know the truth regarding the article. That’s and even days after that was really difficult; not just that we had to avoid the presses, but we had to avoid Yukkie too… He was looking at the windows and wandering, we avoid any news that was on the TV when with Yukkie… At the end, Tet-chan had enough; he knew that we can’t keep running from this forever… So Tet-chan had talked to Yukkie about the article and the company was planning a press-conference to clear the issue. Yukkie didn’t want to involve; we hadn’t expected him to do so either. A week after the article had stirred up the industry and our lives; the three of us faced the media and admit that it was true; whatever that article assuming on the relationship of the death girl and one of our member… Questions arise and answered; then we requesting for a little space for Yukkie to grieve, everything was settled then and there. The thing about the article is that, the reporter had been eyeing Yukkie for a while… I don’t know how he get suspicious about it, that he spied on Yukkie I guess a few days after the accident according to the way he wrote it. He start his article with the accident itself, how it’s happen and everything… then he got serious on his theory that the girl that die in the accident was actually Yukkie’s fiancée or; more or less, having a special relationship with Yukkie; the one story he wanted to know why that Yukkie never spoke about it to the media nor to the public… It was true; Yukkie had chosen it that way, he just doesn’t want anyone to know about it up till his wedding day is around the corner… I understand his decision; he just wanted to protect her… But back to the reporter; if he sudden claimed hadn’t come together with proves, no one would believe him right? So he dug to the very source and found each pieces that resolved in almost a clear picture… It was him who found out that Yukkie had been attending the same school as the girl; and he even once being in the same class as her… He knew that we; me, Ken and Tet-chan, had attended her close and private funeral, that giving him the impression of why us and not Yukkie; because Yukkie didn’t attend the funeral… in fact why are we even there at the funeral is a question itself... She had reportedly has been engaged to someone but none of her friends knew who he was… and all the other bunch of facts that lead to his conclusion; where Yukkie is the fiancé of the death girl. But it was definitely the picture that brought the most trust of the reader to him… It was the picture of me, Yukkie and Ken walking out from a car, that was parked at somewhere isolated nearer to her house… We were there to accompany Yukkie to take his part of her ashes… As part of her last request… The reporter followed us and snapped a picture, assuming that we were there to pay a last respect on the family and maybe that clearing other matters that may be associated with Yukkie and the girl relationship.

**

“Ehem… Hyde,” Hyde startled, merely threw away the magazine in his hands. Yukkie was there, sat next to him; looking at him with almost what resembled to a puppy’s eyes.

“Eh! When did you get here? Is it over, are you finished already?” Yukkie smiled and nodded.

“You been staring at that magazine, is there anything interesting in there?” Yukkie asked; peeping at the magazine Hyde crumpled behind his back.

“Well… It’s nothing much, can’t we moved now?” Hyde threw the magazine to the bookshelf and got up; after taking back all his works, he quickly making sure that Yukkie hadn’t had a chance to glance at the magazine and left the place.

“Yea…” Yukkie quickly answered, averting his attention back to Hyde.

**

“Hm… Hyde?” Yukkie suddenly murmured as if he dazed by the passed by scenery, as his sight was still staring outside the side window.

“Yea…” Hyde glanced onto Yukkie for split seconds, before focusing on the road ahead.

“Can you cook me spaghetti and meatball tonight?” He softly asked, still hadn’t turned to Hyde’s direction.

“Well… I never cooked it before, but I guessed I can try it for you. I can search for the recipe on the net.” Hyde turned once again and smiled; at hearing Hyde’s answer, Yukkie turned to Hyde and smiled.

“Thank you.” Yukkie continued his gazed outside.

The girl is younger about a month-or-so than me; she’s really a nice person, beautiful; polite and from her looks, I know she really a gentle person… She even looked motherly too… If you asked me, I would say that she suited Yukkie really well. So I wasn’t disappointed much of all person, I lose to her; she was Yukkie’s type, she a good person… but of course, it’s still hurt to lose… Anyway, out of the three of us; I was the first one to meet her… Yea; The Universe is a weird twisted fates and destinies, this is the prove. It was supposed to be the three of us meeting with her that night, Yukkie wanted us to have dinner together with her so that he could formally introduced his girlfriend; at that moment, to us. Well, The Universe had other plan; after been set sure the date free for everyone and that the place are booked and reserved for the five of us, Tet-chan and Ken doesn’t showed up that night! Tet-chan informed Yukkie that he had to drive to his hometown the very night due to some urgent family matters; and Ken called in really sick voice told that he’s in a hospital, apparently having food poisoning after eating at some place on the way home after practice. As if leaving me with the loving couple wasn’t enough; I accidentally found out soon after I finally had a time with Yukkie alone, that he was planning to propose her that night with us there with him to give our approval and encouragement for him to do it. “I really want it to be a surprise for the three of you and her. You, Ken and Tet-chan are among the most important people in my life; somehow the presence of the three of you in my life giving me strength to overcome any obstacles… I sound nonsenses to you, I know… but it was the truth, I guessed mainly because you guys were there to help me going through my toughest days before; thus, it make me think this way… that’s how much you; Hyde, Ken and of course; especially Tet-chan were really important to me… So I need to do this only with you guys here with me and I want you guys to say yes too… not just that what matter is her answer, but also the three of you too…” He finally decides that maybe the ring can wait till he able to gather the three of us together with him. But it was The Universe works; I encourage him to do it as he planned it, to do it still on that night. Even though he refused it at first; after a few times persuading him to believe that this is the right time to say it, tonight is the night; he finally kneeling down and asked her the important question, in front of me, that night. I don’t know why I was so eagerly wanted him to propose her that exact night, when I know I could let him keep the ring and brought myself time to accept that it will be over soon; that he will marry the girl he loved soon… as if I purposefully wanted to hurt my own heart; like I wanted to feel that painfully stabs on my heart so much that I can’t wait for any other time… I want it right then and there… and that’s what I get… the pain that my heart can barely content, it almost explodes… I realized then that I wasn’t ready for it yet; that I have to excuse myself and drive home as fast as I can… but the tears was already found their ways out by the time I reached my car… I felt so stupid that time, and for the next couple of months that I was avoiding him for no reason… still I cried again and again even after I finally accepted there’s no point of me crying over it; that he wasn’t mine and would never be…

Hyde suddenly felt a light touched on his left hand, making him to turn to Yukkie; who was still looking out the window, but his right hand blindly reaching to Hyde’s. Hyde accepts it and interlaced their fingers, which he soon noticed the changed reaction on Yukkie’s face; Hyde smiled and let his attention back to the road. He wished that he’ll forever happy this way; but there’s always guilt in this. Why can’t we just be happy together Yukkie?

**

I didn’t know what exactly happened; it’s all happen too fast. I got an email from Tet-chan that night to come to the hospital, at the emergency department as soon as I can; so I did. When I got there, I saw Tet-chan was talking to a stranger, maybe a staff from the hospital; and Yukkie sat on a bench alone. I asked Yukkie what had happened, but he remained silent; I don’t know what to do, so I sat next to Yukkie, staring at him while he was staring at the floor. Finally, Tet-chan grabbed my hand, leads me somewhere a little away from Yukkie and told me what had happened “Would you please take Yukkie home? I need to solved a few things here, since her parents are living too far, so they might be arriving late… I had rang Ken to helped me here, I just need you to take care of Yukkie… he pretty much out right now, he couldn’t even drive himself here, thanked god I was with him just now… could you stay with Yukkie too tonight? I come over as soon as I settled everything and right after I could meet up with her parents… so it may take sometimes.” It bring shivers to me when looking how unresponsive Yukkie was that night, it was nothing like Yukkie I ever know; he was numb and he haven’t even sleep even though I told him from time to time to rest and stay aside him the whole night… he would just lie down with his eyes wide open, didn’t even cry, didn’t even say a word… didn’t even make a sound… It must’ve broken his heart to thousand pieces… How could it not? It was only about four months away from the day they should get married… I finally found out a little about what happen from Tet-chan; and it was that she was planning to meet him at a beach that they loved to go together, that morning since she was on her way along the same road to there. She send an email to Yukkie, but Yukkie didn’t received the email till later that evening; right after he and Tet-chan, who was currently at his house to help him sorting out something regarding the wedding, saw a news of two cars bumped onto each other at the highway next to the beach site. According to the news; one of the car that was suspected driven too fast by two teenage boys, lost controlled and slipped to the opposite lane; the other car that was driven by a young woman wasn’t in time to avoid the car that coming really fast in the opposite direction, causing the two cars collides and resulting in explosion killing all the three of them… The only thing that I can think of when I was watching that local news coverage is that how would Yukkie cope with it, to have somebody that you loved by heart and by soul loss in a split second… that you used to have that person by your side, but now you know that she wouldn’t be there anymore tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that day, and the day after that day, and… forever will never be there…

Hyde pushed the cart to the back of the car; Yukkie followed him closely at side, helping him opened the trunk. They unload the groceries from the cart into the trunk together; after finished unloading all the groceries, Hyde pushed the cart back to it place and Yukkie stands there still; though the door is unlocked, waiting for Hyde to come back.

“Let’s go, Yukkie.” Hyde approached Yukkie, and taken his hand onto his owned.

“Thanks Hyde.” Yukkie suddenly utter melancholy; Hyde stand closer to Yukkie and bends his head toward Yukkie’s before claiming a kiss.

**

“That spaghetti was really delicious; maybe you should cook it again tomorrow.” Yukkie commented soon after he regained his breaths after they broke from their kiss.

“But you have to come with me to get more groceries if you want it again.” Hyde’s hands slide underneath Yukkie’s shirt, making Yukkie gasped.

“I want to eat spaghetti everyday, please.” Yukkie followed Hyde’s leads as he walked him to the bed.

“Then I will cook you spaghetti every day.” Hyde’s heart wondered on Yukkie sudden weird obsession and slight changed in behaviour, but the momentary pleasure he was on at that time was clouding all sides of his mind too much to even venture on that changes in Yukkie. I love you, Yukkie.

**

Yukkie refused to attend the funeral service, not even after we said the three of us would attend it… Yukkie just simple refused to come; well said that Yukkie is stubborn, so no matter what we say won’t help him changed his mind. He refused to go out, refused to eat, refused to even get up from bed… refused to do everything… But after almost two weeks after her cremation, her father called Tet-chan, since he knew calling Yukkie would be waste of time ‘cause Yukkie won’t picked it up; telling that her daughter had leave a Will that involved Yukkie as part of it, so Yukkie needs to come to his house. Her parents hold not a single grudge on Yukkie, since it wasn’t Yukkie fault. They never hated Yukkie, even though at first her parents wasn’t fond of the idea of their precious only child married to an artist; but after Yukkie had tried so hard, he finally won both of their hearts ever since. And they never hold hatred to both of the teenager’s families; they accept it even though it was so difficult for them as they loss their only child but “Accidents happened, she was destined to die like that, there’s nothing that we can do.” That’s what they said… On the day that Yukkie supposed to come to her house for the Will, it was my turned to come over to his house; I asked Ken to help me dragged Yukkie to her house… I couldn’t let Yukkie not listening to whatever the last thing she wants to say to him… I could feel like she was asking me to have Yukkie there to listen to it… Funny right? As if I said she was telling me herself to do it… but I felt a strong need to have Yukkie there at her home that day… So finally me and Ken able to force Yukkie to her hometown… The said Will was actually written when she was eighteen before she meet Yukkie once again; and she had her parents kept it on safe, and to fulfil what was written if in case she died before both of her parents do. The Will was really simple, that’s she wants her ashes was burned finely that none of her bone could be traced; it would be all just a dust of ashes. And she wants her ashes to be divided to two equally, half was for her parents and another half for the person she loved so much; that’s she stated that it could be her child if she had one, her husband if she married and didn’t have child or her child was too small, her fiancé if she hadn’t married to him yet, to her boyfriend or to one of her best friend if she hadn’t had all of the other categories; and if there’s no such the mentions people would claimed her ashes, she wants her parents divide the ashes between themselves. Then she said that the divided ashes are meant to be poured somewhere which was supposed to be two different places, and if the holder want to bury it, she want it to be buried without the container; she don’t want her ashes to be stored in the container forever as she wants to be freed. So after reading the Will, her parents decided to let Yukkie have the other half of the ashes and freed it somewhere that was significant for the two of them; as what they would do, they want to bury it somewhere really significant for her during her childhood. Yukkie didn’t refused it and calmly accept it, he then asked us to take him to the beach where the accident happen. Yukkie poured the ashes to the sea and the waves took it away little by little as Yukkie gently let it go.

**

Hyde sat on the couch in the bedroom; he didn’t waits for Yukkie to wakes up like he always did every morning since he had to finish his works right away, but he choose to do his works on the bedroom couch so that even though he was on the couch facing the sliding door, he still in the room with Yukkie; close to Yukkie. He was busied studying the papers when a warmth hand slides across his chest before the hands then embraced him from behind, and a head rest gently on his shoulder. Hyde took those hand and gestures it to sit next to him, Yukkie followed and sat next to Hyde; where Hyde welcomed him with a kiss tasted strongly of coffee Hyde just had.

“Morning...” Hyde greeted Yukkie as he pulled him closed against his body, where the other replied with a blissful sigh.

“The sun is about to set, you woke up just in time for it, Yukkie.” Hyde kissed Yukkie’s neck, having him shifted a little to that touch.

It’s been a few days since Yukkie has been acting weirdly like this, he becoming more passionate and loving toward me; we becoming more and more intimate… Yukkie and I have a very complicated relationship ever since I confessed my feeling to him…He never verbally accepted my feeling before; and though we live together, that’s I always with him; we were still pretty much just a friend especially in front of the public; and Tet-chan… So you can assume that the conclusion was Yukkie has no feeling toward me as how I hoped he would have… But then, we still sleep together; and it is more than just sharing the same bed, if you know what I meant… Yes, we not ‘doing it’ like every night, but it was as often as I can’t just take it as if it was nothing to him… and there’s occasionally kisses whenever I felt like I wanted to, he accepted it well; never for once he refused it… he accepted what I did to him with a smile… But now, it was a little different… different in a way that I felt like it was different from Yukkie… I don’t want to easily be happy with this, but I can’t help to feel like as if Yukkie was replying my feeling… I know Yukkie still hadn’t fully recover yet, that’s why I still avoiding mentioning anything that involving her; but I was waiting far too long for this happiness to come and now that I can sensed it, I want to fully feel it… I wanted to believe that Yukkie had finally grown to love me too, just like how I had always loved him… I will make sure that it wasn’t just me who is happy, but Yukkie too will be happy when he’s with me…

**

Hyde took a sip of the coffee; though he wasn’t hungry when he told Yukkie that he hadn’t prepared for their breakfast yet, that’s then he politely refused Yukkie’s invites to join him for cold cereals in the kitchen; he somehow now thought that it would be a great idea if he had joined in.

“He probably had finished by now…” Hyde mumbled to himself, disappointed.

Nevertheless; Hyde continued with his works, ignoring the slowly progression of his rebellious stomach protesting his hunger. He smiled when he heard the sound of the door and a fast footsteps, striding nearer. But it’s surprised him when something came flying across the table in front of him; knocking his coffee mug off the table. Hyde turned to Yukkie who stood aside the table; his eyes were red and anger had blenched away his soft face that Hyde had adored so much.

“What wrong, Yukkie?” Hyde asked dumbfoundedly; reaching for the magazine that happened to be the thing that Yukkie had thrown just now.  It didn’t took him too much effort to know what is wrong with the magazine; as it was his picture kissing Yukkie on the parking lot of a mall that they went to last week after Yukkie’s therapy session, was printed largely occupying the front cover of that entertainment magazine.

“This was…” Hyde unable to finish his sentence; he barely even know what he supposed to say to it.

“Tell me that this is not true, Hyde… Tell me that is not our picture!” Yukkie shouted; tears start to fill his eyes.

“But Yukkie…” Hyde can’t understand how could the magazine have that picture of them; but mostly he can’t understand Yukkie’s reaction to it.

“This can’t be happening, Hyde! I can’t let it happen!”

“And why can it be, Yukkie?” Hyde couldn’t help but to ask back; Yukkie seem to be really upset by it.

“Because this is not what it was!!” Yukkie shouted so loud that it felt like as if it was echoing in the room, but it was only in Hyde’s head.

“What was not, Yukkie? That we are not couples? We are not lovers? Is that it?! That’s what makes you so upset?!” Hyde now stood in front of Yukkie, his voice raised a little; but Yukkie didn’t answered him, instead he turned his back and walked off looking somewhat still fussed with anger.

“Yukkie!! I love you! You know that I loved you!” Still, Yukkie ignoring what Hyde had said; which making Hyde lose his control, making him mad, because he knew the reason why Yukkie ignoring him like this.

“Yukkie stop it, okay! She is dead!! DEAD, Yukkie!” Hyde grabbed him by the shoulder; he could felt the other guy’s trembles, Hyde realized he probably had said the wrong things.

“Yukkie…” Hyde’s hand then was pushed off to the side by Yukkie.

“Don’t tell me that!!” This time Yukkie shouted really loud, he then pushed a vase that was in front of him; storming around the room, kicking and throwing everything around while shouted phrases that Hyde merely understood.

He continued ranting on for almost an hour; Hyde could only dodged away the stuff that randomly thrown, that somehow got into his direction. When the anger subsides, overpowered by feeling of fatigued; Yukkie stopped, staring blankly at the mess while panting desperately for air.

“Yukkie… I…” Hyde thought that it’s finally time to resolve this, even though he didn’t know how to.

Yukkie didn’t even looked at Hyde, instead walking toward the door and slammed it as he passed through it. Hyde quickly followed him; coming out of the bedroom only to find Yukkie was squatting in the living room, apparently crying some more. I guessed there’s no other way for us… Hyde turned around and entered the bedroom once again before coming out of it a few minutes after that; carrying his car key. Even when he approaching nearer; Yukkie is still there, squatting down with his face hidden. Hyde grabbed Yukkie’s hand and dragged it up without a single word; Yukkie startled, Hyde pulled him too hard that even if he refused to get up, Hyde still managed to drag him onto his way. Once Hyde successfully had Yukkie on his feet; he paced to the door still tightly holding Yukkie’s wrist, forcing Yukkie to come along with him.

**

There’s only silence accompanied them, while the car drove fast onto a highway that Hyde knew Yukkie is more familiar about. At the side of the curvy road, they could clearly see an endless blue sea stretching far away to the horizon. The curvy road then ends with a junction where Hyde took the turn that soon bringing them closer to that beautiful sea.

I had been such an ignorant all this time… such a selfish person… I knew it all along, but why did I ignored it? Ignored how much I been forcing you to accept me… forcing you to tell me that you loved me too; when you never giving me any signs that you do… I didn’t even know that you loved me or not… It never came across my mind that what if you never did love me after all, and will never be… I kept waiting for you to say something that you never going to say; ‘cause you never felt that way. Stupid! That what it is actually… I was so stupid… I was too afraid to lose you that I never really think of your feeling; it was always about how I feel, what I feel… ‘Cause I never want to hear you say that “I don’t love you, Hyde.”

The car halted on the side of the beach; as Hyde got off it, he landed on the white precious sands. Yukkie remained still in the car; unmoved, gazed blankly at the waves came crushing onto the shore one after another. Hyde had walked around and opened the door on his side.

“Go Yukkie… The sea is awaited you…” Hyde said melancholically.

Yukkie got off the car and walked off toward the edge of the sea; where he walked along it, furthering himself little by little away from Hyde; dazed by the sound of the waves and the sparkles of the blue sea.

Hyde stood motionless where Yukkie had left him, watching the waves taken away the traces on the white sands as they crushed onto the beach and swept back into the sea.

“I really can’t… I can’t… I can’t because I… I love you… I really love you, Yukkie… I had always loved you… I had loved you more than you’ll ever know, Yukkie…” I shouldn’t had that feeling to you, I really had should not… because it’s bring nothing but pain and suffering to at least one of us… huh… now it got both us… trapped us into this… drown me in it… But… But I can’t ever throw it away, I can’t ever disregard it and I can’t ever ignore it… ‘Cause I can’t ever said that I’m not in loved with you… ‘Cause I can’t ever lie to myself… I can’t lie that I really can’t live without you…

Hyde ran as fast as he can, catching up with the figure far in front of him. Finally, when he able to closing the distance between them; Hyde took the other’s hand and pulled it to halt. There’s need no explanation or any words; Hyde clung his hand onto Yukkie’s neck and pressed his lips against Yukkie’s, he accepted it like he always did but Hyde could senses it much desperately than they always are. After they broke from the kiss; they continued walk on the beach, holding each other hands tightly.

**

And like theirs footsteps that washed away by the waves, their existence together today are only for today, for that very living moment only; till the day that they could finally found their eternity, together.

“Stay with me Hyde, please…” I know he was only half awaked when he said this… but I will wait for you forever, till the ends of my time and even after I have left this world; I will always wait for you and by your side… that’s because… I will always love you… Forever…

**THE END**

A/N: Finally I was able to finished this… I had it since March and was planning to finish it right away, but something come up and I couldn’t… hmm I didn’t really satisfied with a few parts toward the end of the fic, since I had started to write this long time ago having it continued back after months leaving it away, making me forgot the initial planning for the fic… nevertheless, I still ends it just the way I wanted it to be (pretty much >-<)... and I hoped it didn't bother anyone with that the changes in the POV and too much italic…next is that I’m planning to write another short one, but I get it started after 13th June, since I be sitting for my Board exam that day, after that day I will be free~finally~ I already drafts it in my phone~ just need to write in a proper way and put an end to it~ Anyway, I’m sitting for a really important exam soon, wished me luck okay~>o<~