I don’t want to brag, but I used to have the best unibrow in the state. And believe me, Georgia isn’t lacking for competition. It was full, luxurious and as soft as the fur of a puppy’s bottom. You could find pictures of me modeling in the most prestigious unibrow magazines in the world. The ladies were all over’t; everywhere I went, girls would ( Read more... )

I like to call my sunglasses "shades."
On hot, bright summer days I like to sit in the shade and wear my shades.
I want to own all different metallic shades of shades.
Metallic green, metallic blue, metallic red.
Metallic yellow.
All those shades.

Today I assembled something. Not a big deal for me, really. The box was all like "ASSEMBLY REQUIRED" and I was like "Oh yeah? Well you don't scare me you piece of shit box." Then I put that shitbox together real quick.

But the important thing isn't what I assembled or how amazingly quickly I accomplished the assembly, but what humanity gained ( Read more... )

Great news anyone who gives a shit! My post-Boards summer is really starting to roll ( Read more... )

Well, I did it everyone. Everyone: I took the Boards ( Read more... )

Case Study ( Read more... )

The other day I had to see a Nephrologist for some "reason". He asked to sample my urine and I agreed- though I did make sure not to agree too avidly. He then said he needed to look at it under a microscope and I watched as he studied my urine carefully- smelling it, looking at first low and then high power fields, checking the colors from the ( Read more... )

I have finally reached my life-long goal of becoming a black belt in Karate. Well, maybe "life-long" is a little strong- I really only decided that I wanted to become a black belt about two hours ago. But I wanted to become one so badly that the two hours felt like a lifetime ( Read more... )

I heard that if you watch The Wall on mute and listen to Pink Floyd's The Wall, it totally syncs up.

In Sports news, the almighty creator of the universe, God, completed His 10 millionth field goal today. Jehovah chose Matt Stover of the Baltimore Ravens to act as His earthen vehicle for the physical component of the thee point play, telling reporters after the game that He felt Stover should feel honored to be a part of His new record, however ( Read more... )