i don't want to be a person.  i'd rather be a fern.

finished version:


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i am reacquiring my abilities to paint.  digitally yes, but less messy and same style.  almost finished an entire one today, but had outside obligations that interrupted.

got this far in a little over an hour.  getting back into the rhythm.  eases the loneliness and depression a decent bit.


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after doing a couple of digital portraits for two people's birthdays, i decided to get a new tablet (not ipad kind, graphic kind) because painting with a mouse is not very artistic or handy.  my old one doesn't work with this version of windows ( Read more... )

we of the insular type can often turn the entire world against us, like a rip tide, when really the ocean just wanted to give us a kis

today has been a semi-sad day.  mostly because, although i like knowing people are happy and in wholesome fulfilling relationships, it also irks me.  i have not had one in 10 years.  it is 100% my fault, so i am not complaining that there is no one for me, or such, but that i am in such a rut that i cannot see the light above the hole that i have ( Read more... )

while i am joyous at the marches and solidarity around the world against the fascist "president" i am also unnerved. you see, all media on FB and google, etc. is filtered to reflect what you are used to and want to see.

that means, despite the triumph made by millions today, the ones that caused the tragedy still live in their own bubble, ( Read more... )

down to 2/3 "normal" level of consumption.  anxiety and insomnia have somewhat increased, but manageable.  a little shaky ( Read more... )

i have about a 5 - 20% chance of dying in the next 3-4 days, so if there is no post after that, well, crap ( Read more... )

people say happiness is what you make of it, but when everyone else takes that away, there is a blatant math problem.