i think the greatest thing about my love for you is that it exists without your need

god i only wish i could adore her.

ah well.  the earth moves on.

i either have advanced diabetes or peripheral neuropathy but i can't tell because my damn insurance company is taking forever to approve a doctor for me.

i can only feel tingles from my feet.

EDIT:  ok got a doc appt for next thursday

you'd think you would approach your death with anxiety but i am more just annoyed.  at myself

it is such a gorgeous sunset outside and someone recently said they loved me, though i know the context is not what i meant. gotta go to the DMV and pay taxes.  gonna be a rough week.

also unnerving that my feet seem so cold to my head, but warm enough to my hands, even in socks and under sheets. it's like i dipped them in menthol.

peripheral ( Read more... )

i am so in love with her, and i dream of her every night, but the existential delimma is that i probably will never see her again and have not even seen her in 15 years.

i hate hiccups so much. last nite violent hiccups kept me awake from 11 to 5 and i just wanted to die. they are very spasmy and give me a fever and make me sweat and i almost just had another fit but managed to stop it after a few minutes.

please kill me please kill me please kill me. i can't take this. THERE IS NO FUCKING REASON FOR IT. STOPPPP!

my eyes burn

i have a feeling i will need to kill myself soonish ( Read more... )

when i read a post about someone i care about casually saying she has another lover, it really hurts...but i have to realize that i am not her world or in charge of her; indeed i am almost nothing to her, so i must ignore it.  and i don't deserve it anyway.

ah well...

to quote donnie darko: "everyone dies alone."