Spring training is far too close. This will be the first time in years I'm there without Randy. And christ, I miss him. Janie's with him, she'll do him some kind of good... I hope.

So, I spent christmas with Janie and the girls. It was nice, mom was glad I was there, and Janie's well... pregnant. Came home and spent New Years with Randy. That was the highlight. Of course, it wasn't the same without Dick Clarke. But, oh well. Spring training's coming up soon, so I should probably start getting up before noon, huh?

*sighs* Randy's back in the hospital, probably until Febuary. So much for christmas at home. I finally went to the doctor and got my head straight. Which is a pretty good feeling and I have some appologies to make. They'll come in due time. Aside from that, there really isn't anything going on.

Not that I can think of atleast.

Because it's burned into my skull...you and him there on the couch. Looking so fucking happy, Mikey. You looked happy. And I just can't stand closing my eyes and seeing that. You're supposed to love me but...you did that when I was...maybe am at the lowest point of my life. That's not love. It makes my chest hurt.

I... What do I say to that?

I'm sitting here in the Honeymoon Suite at the Disneyland resort... and I'm watching him sleep. He wanted to go back out to the park today, but I don't have the heart to wake him up. I'm quite content watching him sleep ( Read more... )

We're fighting.. again. I hate fighting. I hate being an asshole. I hate that everyone some people hate me. And most importantly, I hate myself You know, he used to be so sweet, and caring... and that's why I fell in love with him ( Read more... )

I think I'm going to stop updating this for awhile. Or.. maybe make private posts. No one wants to hear me whine anyway. Chavvy, you stay with Eric. He needs you. I don't. Simple as that.

And I think that's all I have to say.

"I don't know why you can't get off your high horse. If smoking is going to make me feel better, than why not let me have that? You like me like this. It makes you feel good, powerful, and all that."*lip quivers* He... he's.... I don't like seeing him tied up like that. W-why would he think that ( Read more... )

Can this day be any shittier? I don't think so. Lost to Florida. Of COURSE we lost to Florida. We can't hit for shit off of Beckett.

Bowa was fired. Not that it's a bad thing. Kerrigan is probably gone too. Hell. I might be gone.

Um, yeah. I'm an asshole, that's about that for this update.

My version:

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger,
And finally drank away his memory,
Life is short,
But this time it was bigger,
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees.

They found him with his face down in the pillow,
With a note that said "I love him til I die ( Read more... )