I’m feeling a little better, although Sunday and Monday were really difficult. I was so depressed on Sunday night that I kept crying (which I almost never do) and I cut myself. Monday was a little different; I was anxious and agitated because I was waiting for my therapist to contact me. She finally called me, and then I felt better. Still, waiting ( Read more... )

I’m feeling a little better (emotionally) today. Last night was an absolute disaster, though. I cried for what seemed like forever (and I almost never cry), and I ended up cutting; at least that stopped the crying. I couldn’t even sleep. I went to bed at 10:00 and I don’t think I fell asleep until after 2:00. I was too upset to sleep, I guess.

I ( Read more... )

I’m such a disaster right now. I can’t stop crying. Yes, that’s right, I’m actually crying, and at school of all places, too. (I don’t think I’ve ever cried at Mount Holyoke before.) I just can’t deal with these thoughts and feelings anymore. No, I’m not going to kill myself (although I am feeling damn near suicidal right now), but the thoughts are ( Read more... )

I’m having a hard time again. Therapy did not go very well yesterday. I had told my psychiatrist that I wanted to get more help this summer and maybe do a day or evening program, and she seemed to think it was OK. I don’t think my therapist agrees. She asked me what I wanted to work on this summer, and I told her that I wanted to work on three ( Read more... )

Well, there isn’t much that’s new. I’m excited because I got an A on my midterm exam in Literature of the Later Middle Ages, which is the class I got an 80 on a paper in, so hopefully that will bring my grade up. Other than that not much is new. I’m eagerly awaiting the end of the semester and graduation; I can’t believe it’s finally coming.

I ( Read more... )

I’m feeling a little better today, thank God. I’m really starting to look forward to Sarah Lawrence again and to feel excited about it. I was talking to Cherrie about the program yesterday, and I just really think it’s going to be a good fit for me. I love writing workshops and classes, and low-residency programs (aka Vermont) just don’t offer ( Read more... )

*sigh* I’m still feeling crappy, for whatever reason. The fact that I saw my nutritionist yesterday and learned that, yes, in fact, all of my weight loss occurred while off of the Abilify and that my weight has been in the same one or two pound range all semester (aka since being back on the Abilify). In other words, even on a lower dose of the ( Read more... )

Ugh, I feel like crap. I had my weigh-in today, which is never a cause for celebration. Anyway, despite starving, I have not lost weight. I can’t believe this is happening again. I thought I had escaped this pattern, but apparently not. I just don’t know how to deal with this, how to cope. I keep telling myself that I need to go off the Abilify so ( Read more... )

I’m still not feeling so great, physically or emotionally. In fact, I did something horrible today: I went out and purchased new blades. (I never was able to find the ones I hid under my bed at home, which worries me a little because it means someone else might have found them, although no one said anything.) I’m not having particularly strong ( Read more... )

My mood has taken a definite plunge in the last few days. I’m really not sure why, but slowly I’ve felt myself beginning to flounder again. This is not the time to be becoming like this once more; I’m supposed to be proving to everyone that I’m doing better and that I’m well enough to go away to graduate school. Why is this happening now? I have ( Read more... )