Flash back hell.  I've never experienced anything like I did last night.   I woke up drenched in sweat and completely disoriented.    My equilibrium was off, I couldn't tell where the walls were, I thought I was floating on the ceiling.    Smells of urine, tastes like blood.   I'm biting my lip trying ro reground.    I didn't want to remember the ( Read more... )

A nd yet again my foot wakes me in the middle of the night.  Dr. Rana has got to give me something else for pain.

Thank y ou to all who have sent birthday and holiday/Chanukah cards.  It truly does mean the world to me.   I haven't forgotten about any of you and will be putting mine in the mail shortly.   Just, ... a little slow this year with all my medical issues going on.   Love to you all.

I  think that I hate my foot ( Read more... )

 Many of you know that I lost my best friend and college roommate Val to cancer. Even though she is no longer with me physically, I know she is here watching over me to help keep me safe. Tomorrow, I will be walking in the Western Suburbs of Chicago Light the Night Walk to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in her honor. If you're ( Read more... )

I can't sleep.    6.25 mg ambien.  Just enough to get me to sleep, not enough to keep me there.   Tim snores too loud.    Between his snoring, the pain in my foot, and the anxiety I feel, its 2:47 am and I'm wide awake.    tomorrow is going to be quite a long day.   Happy Celestial Birthday, Val.   I miss you more and more as time goes on.

Ambien induced sleep can be the best and worst kind.    The last thing I remember is Tim dragging me upstairs to bed with him at 12:30 last night.   12 hours later, I finally arise from the sleep of the dead.   Rested.    This time it was a good sleep, no nightmares and no flashbacks.   I'm not always so lucky, though ( Read more... )

Nikki just called.  Surgery went beyond well and she's recovering nicely.  To my surprise, she's being discharged this afternoon and her friends Laura and Tif are staying with her to make sure she's alright.    I've never met them, and I already adore them.   Nik needs people in her life that are going to be there for her.    And I'm glad she's ( Read more... )

Yesterday was beyond difficult both physically and emotionally.   I'm exhausted in every way, and in a lot of bloody pain today.   But, I have the most amazing story to share.   And the reason that going in yesterday was all worth it.

Most of my students think it silly to see their teacher in a wheelchair.  Or not being able to walk just like them ( Read more... )

If I could climb up to the rooftops, I would scream with all the force I could muster.    Life isn't fucking fair.