How.

Do.

I.

Change.

What.

Works?

The biggest struggle right now, besides just being in a difficult place, is that I don't feel that anything I do gets me what I need.

Ugh, totally another one of those I meant to type about one thing and my fingers start typing something else.

I am overwhelmed by everything right now. I am overwhelmed by changing ( Read more... )

I constantly crave a changing in scenery, a change in my day to day. Why?

I guess that is the question I have said I am asking myself more and more these days.

I never feel as alive as when I'm preparing for change, expecting the unknown. It thrills me, chills me, makes me want to rise to a challenge.

The regular world is not a challenge. Or is it?
( Read more... )

Oh the dreams I dream when I'm with you
Every time the light peeks through
Wouldn't this just be so nice?
If we could do it once more, maybe twice
It's so hard to recreate a dream
Where everything is delicate,
Gossamer wings

Last night I saw the future bright
Every time the light peeks through
I made an image in my mind
Wouldn't this just be so nice?
Of what ( Read more... )

Everything in life is pushing me to be more of myself. To breathe my own air, to find my own strength.

The strength I am finding is not that of the angry child neglected and frightened, but the strength of someone who is always worth it. Someone who knows that no matter what, she is enough. She can hold space for all of the things and remain herself ( Read more... )

I ask a question to people to give my opinion.

I am noticing this more and more. I want people to know about me, or to acknowledge out attachment via antecdotes of the two of us in a group setting.

Why?

Just finished another Pema Chodron book.

I think the more of them I read, I will slowly continue my own progress and understanding of what I ( Read more... )

There's a hole in the bottom of my heart (in my heart)
That's filled with all these things you can't see (can't see)
It's why I come of crass and unexpected,
It's why I'm rude and sometimes downright mean

There's a hole in the bottom of my heart (my heart)
That's usually empty and moving
Swirling around, creating a sound,
And a vortex to pull at all of ( Read more... )

I have conquered my current job. Can I be better? Yes, but I have found comfort in knowing I am good at it and understand its requirements of me. This job has given me confidence and allowed a jump in my self-care as well as in my professional growth.

Now it is time to grow again.

That also means acknowledging all that I have to offer to another ( Read more... )

Standing on the precipice
Don't know if I exist
Can't feel my hands or my feet

There's something about the air out there,
Where wonders go and fears do flare,
That brings out my most keen sense of disconnection

Standing, I can feel the breeze
It makes me quiver in the knees
Can't tell if I'm really here or not

There's something about being caught ( Read more... )

I plan to write a history of myself for NaNoWriMo, just FYI self.

I'm trying to put together all the piece of what I want to address here in an hour before therapy.

I tend to talk about all the things I am doing, thinking of doing, know will work, etc. and then the actual difficulties get lost.

So- let's recap.

I feel like the villain in my ( Read more... )

Why do I feel like lashing out when I am disappointed by something?
- I don’t need anyone to make me feel better
- I don’t need those that hurt me to fee guilted into participating
- If they want me, I’m here

Why do I feel like I outgrow groups of friends?
- This one I don’t have any real understanding of. It baffles me. I grow, they don’t? I get what I ( Read more... )