I'm not bulletproof. Despite the fact that I have hurt more than this and been betrayed more than this, THIS still hurts. Despite the fact that I have fucked up and that I have caused pain, I still feel pain. I am not immune ( Read more... )

I have spent the past several hours being so angry I actively feel ill. I can't breathe, I'm still shaking... I have no anticipation of this stopping while I am awake so as soon as I finish this entry, I am going to sleep ( Read more... )

"I let myself feel that loss that I spent most of my time not thinking about. I let the rage and loss fill me, and there was no lust, no desire, no love, that could win against such sorrow ( Read more... )

I want to say so many things. But I know I shouldn't. And I know that it doesn't help things, and I know that it really just hurts me, and maybe it hurts you too. So instead of saying them to you, I am going to write them down here. Maybe you'll read them and maybe you won't. But I will still feel better having said them ( Read more... )

I've been torturing myself since Friday night when I talked to Dave last... wondering whether he would call, whether he would come back, whether he would actually go on the date that is supposed to happen tonight/today/ sometime today. Maybe right now... I don't even know ( Read more... )

It's been a long, long, LONG week. A lot has happened and a lot has changed and through it all I have been sad. Epically sad. But I am still here. Still going. Still able to laugh at fmylife.com and at my new favourite show cougar town. I am still okay ( Read more... )

I am always grateful to the universe or the cosmos or whoever is responsible for protecting me when I come across songs that I know would have hurt a lot to hear back when James and I broke up. I have mentioned some of them in the past, but this entry isn't about those (although if you need a refresher of songs that are pretty much guaranteed to ( Read more... )

I've always believed that my life happens in a series of three things. Three categories: my family/friends, my work, and my relationship. Everything falls together at one time, and everything falls apart at one time. Everything has, at this point in time, fallen apart ( Read more... )

so, yes, I do still exist. I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth just yet, although my computer has bitten the big one for the time being. I don't know what exactly is wrong with it, but it doesn't go further than a blank grey screen with a little grey folder with a white question mark that flashes at me... nothing else happens. It's very ( Read more... )

this morning I finally got to see and talk to Dave. I went with the letter to his house last night and sat in the cold and the rain and the dark for an hour waiting to see if he would come home or at least tell me to go home. I finally gave up around 8:45, after I'd been there for over an hour and had heard absolutely nothing from him. He called me ( Read more... )