I play a dinosaur game on my phone. I don’t particularly enjoy it. It’s very repetitive and mundane. I downloaded it for my son. But I play it. Daily.

It gives me grounding. It gives me consistency. When everything feels like it’s about to explode, I can go hide with the predictable, computerized dinosaurs.

For a moment, I disappear. I really should ( Read more... )

Some days, I don’t know if I’d be here any more if it weren’t for them. I’m literally breaking.

Withdrawal from prescription opiates made my joints ache fiercely, and created disappointment that now, not only would I feel the pain, but the euphoria and energy would soon dissipate.
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I'm in a class where the professor has spent 72 minutes explaining the difference between a Vision Statement and a Mission. This isn't Business Management 101. My ADD has had me count tiles on the ceiling (there is 142); think about if I remember every step of infant CPR; wonder what would happen if the professor's head spontaneously combusted; ( Read more... )

Hi. Still here.

The head-spinning, craziness that was my brain seems to have ceased. Brought on my a medicinal intervention that was supposed to end my anxiety over all things over-thought, however, in ending that intervention, it was like my brain puked. Yet, as is with all purging, I feel as though I've been left with a cleaner, healthier slate upon which to ( Read more... )

Healing a bit. Adjusting might be more fitting. Brain cells are firing at a more healthy pace, even if its the worse of the two ends of the spectrum. I suppose its better than the middle. Feeling like something has lit a fire under my ass recently and I'm finally ready to acknowledge its heat. I can take what is for what is, and wallow in it, or I ( Read more... )

Our angel didn't bail. Just swapped out her halos. Really wish I had my sisters and a bottle of wine. Some days them boys. Guts! and Earwax! and Butts, mom! Really? Need some estrogen up in this hizzouse. Frak disappointment, man. Glimmer, glimmer, please. Parents thought they were raising their little girls right. Forget the watchmaker. Wish I ( Read more... )

Got some out today. That was good. Not resolution, but at least some reassurance and support. My Christmas tree makes me feel like a 10 year old boy in showers of a locker room afraid to drop his towel. Baby cried and didn't know why. Not the first time. Our angel is coming Friday but I think she's delivering her own feeling of failure in our ( Read more... )

He gave me the strength to make the call, then when it connected, I lost it. I have to figure something out. Seriously. I cannot do this again. I am a lucky woman to have the mom I do. How does one sort through it all? The beginning gets messed up before you even make it to the middle, and you never even get a damned chance to reach the end. ( Read more... )