Hi Journal,

So here's the end of year update for me. Steven and me are doing a lot better since he started working. I know have some time to myself to not go crazy and he's being healthy and productive. He works really hard and every payday he's been giving me half his paychecks. We're still working on his anger, his cussing, and embarrassing me in ( Read more... )

Something I do well is... organization and  time management.

I do it well because... I can become very determined and focused. I also do it well from years of doing it wrong.

Things about myself I would like to grow... stand up for myself more often... say no more often and stop people pleasing as much

What can I do to grow?  practice acceptance ( Read more... )

Dear Josh,

( Read more... )

my favorite thing about myself is my resilience

i love it when i achieve a goal

my favorite feature of mine is my eyes

i want to be more loving with myself

i am strong

i forgive myself for my past because i cannot change it

i am worthy of love

one taught me distrust

one taught me gaslighting

one taught me broken promises

now i'm so busy fixing myself

say i've loved and i've lost but thats not what i see

so look what i got

look at what you taught me and for that i say thank you next thank you next thank you next

i'm so grateful i'm alone

spend more time with me

i aint worried about men
( Read more... )

I forgot to mention earlier. I still haven't heard a word from AJ. I sent him an email on his birthday to say happy birthday. He didn't even bother to say thanks or respond. He's completely over me with no 2nd thoughts and hates me. I'm starting to believe him that he never loved me ever. Once he told me he didn't care about the kids or me and i ( Read more... )

So a lot has been going on... I'm still going to Charlie Health IOP. Last week on Monday i was meeting with my one on one counselor and told her how the week before Steven threatned to have someone come beat Aubrey up. He called her a bitch twice to her face and he was refusing to move out. He told me he was going to beat up my parents if they came ( Read more... )

Welp another day. I still hate Steven. I keep telling him he's making my life miserable. I keep telling him I dont want to be around him. He doesn't listen or take no for an answer. He was supposed to start a new job on Monday. He took my car because his car broke down on Sunday with a flat tire and the bolts and luges stripped. I had to pay $100 ( Read more... )

Well CPS still has not shown up yet. Steven was absolutely ridiculous this weekend and totally ruined my weekend. Friday night I had a makeup session at Charlie Health but I left after the first two groups. I wasn't feeling it. Friday we drank because I said fuck it and wanted to. Saturday we woke up at 8 am to get groceries from Walmart. I dont ( Read more... )

I dont know where to start this. I am so angry at Steven. I am no longer happy at all in the relationship. Yesterday I got up for work. He left to go to his friend Matt's house instead of looking for jobs. He took aubrey and her friend autumn with him to see the babies and cats. Apparently he called Aubrey rude the whole time. When he got home he ( Read more... )