I've never felt so popular. Ever since I got pulled over for speeding in Coral Gables last month, I have been the daily recipient of numerous correspondences from fine local attorneys offering to represent me for a fee "starting at only $69*" (the asterisk indicates that it will almost surely cost me far greater than that, but who ever pays ( Read more... )

The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

- Anatole France

First I went to the wrong courthouse. Then I lost my train of thought in front of the Judge. At least I still won the motion. This day may yet be salvageable...

Judges are those who take the often incomprehensible draftings of the legislature, carefully guide them through the law's precision filters of logic, and render them even more incomprehensible than they were before.

I just had a dream that I was deposing the Blob. It wasn't being very responsive. It was just sitting there being smugly gelatinous.

So I have some good news ( Read more... )

I think someone at Dunkin Donuts slipped me decaf this morning. They also forgot to toast my bagel, but I can deal with that. But decaf is just completely and utterly pointless.

I didn't walk into Barnes & Noble expecting to see a scene unfold. My goal was to enter, buy a book, and leave before my meter ran out. I hadn't even had my coffee yet ( Read more... )

Shampoo is nice. You put it in, lather, massage your scalp, and then rinse. A nice in and out procedure ( Read more... )

It was as though God had, in a single act, decided that I was the Chosen One ( Read more... )