Thinking more and more about stuff, trying not to, so when possible, I just read or watch movies. I've been reading on Buddhism, interesting so far, though there are quite a few points I disagree on already. Did meditate last night, was different than past times. I think I achieved something for once, not sure what.

Can't wait till the money comes ( Read more... )

Today was rather interesting. I wound up talking to Tamra again after months of not talking to each other. I didn't know that she didn't know about my moms passing, so that was initially odd. We talked and after I went and saw The Dark Knight, I hung out at her place. It was weird a bit. I saw how much her brother had grown, and his voice changed. ( Read more... )

The death certificates are in finally, my aunt will pick them up and then we can begin the long process of moving things over to me. Its not painful, just a little annoying. Hopefully when all this is settled, I can take some time to relax and also grieve.

On an unrelated note, my great grandmother is in the hospital. They're not sure whats wrong. ( Read more... )

I think I had my first anxiety attack ever today. I was thinking a lot about my mom and past memories, then had trouble breathing and kept getting more and more nervous. Eventually it went away when I tried to take slow deep breaths, which didn't help much.

One of the rose stems I put in water a while back seems to be taking well. Its turning quite ( Read more... )

Well I paid a few bills and picked up some groceries. Some business is taken care of. I also met with the guy from the mortuary. He was rather nice, tried to sell me a little, but not too much. Mostly he gave me this free packet so I'd be prepared if I passed away, which would have nice for mom to have had. I also found out in it that I can get her ( Read more... )

Today had a few awkward moments. The mortuary that did our service called today. They just wanted to do a survey and know how they could improve things, which was odd, but understandable. I'll be meeting one of them tomorrow afternoon to see about how things were. I was glad that he waited a while to contact me and was quite polite about it.

Today ( Read more... )

Its odd dealing with people. I can never figure out what they're thinking, especially people I've been semi involved with or have/had feelings for. One person wants to be with me but winds up with someone out and lashes out at me, only to apologize a week later. This conversation lead to them lashing out after I told them I was tired of this, which ( Read more... )

Its not too hard dealing with her passing, but it still hits my mind. I replay things over and over. Me and my mom had been drifting apart prior to her getting sick. When I drive down the road and see people selling fruit, I think of her and how she would surprise me with watermelon she bought or avocados. She thought about me more than I realize ( Read more... )

With my moms passing, been a bit inspired to do a few things. I've done stuff around the house like plant roses. I never actually cared about the yard, and really hate doing yard work, but figured it would be something good to do and honor her. I'm also going to fix up the house bit by bit.

I'll be fixing up her car and cleaning it. I know not much ( Read more... )

It sucks at times when you get angry and frustrated at someone you cared for a lot and may have possibly loved at one point. Its depressing when you do all you can to be there for them, but when they say they'll be there for you, they aren't. Sometimes I wish peopled cared for me as much as I had for them.

Also, who are the people leaving anonymous ( Read more... )