I'm going crazy...I feel like relapsing, holy CRAP do I feel like relapsing. Except I won't let myself. Seems I am too addicted to food now to restrict...and I won't purge, so ( Read more... )

I was sooooooooooooooo convinced I'd gained massive weight and was well within my "goal weight" range. Got weight today at therapy and asked if I was there yet. Nope. LOST a bit since I saw her on Friday. Not enough to really worry, could just be that I lost the last of the water weight. But still, dude, I am eating so, so, so freakin much. ( Read more... )

Just updating to let the world know I'm still here ( Read more... )

I want to thank everyone for the comments ( Read more... )

Got back from an inpatient stay at Friends Hospital Philly today ( Read more... )

Today was graduation. So everyone is leaving. Next year, it'll just be me. I can't seem to wrap my brain around the notion that I will not have these people to just call up and walk over to visit. That I will not be running into them on campus or at the bars. I feel so...I dunno. Lonely, deserted, anxious...how is it possible they are all ( Read more... )

Comforted. I just want to be comforted. Like a five year old who's scraped her knee. I just want things to be ok. Why can't I feel happy anymore? Have I screwed myself up beyond repair? And why do I continue to do so? I want so badly to be ok so why don't I see any benefits yet? Where is the power of the mind? Why can't I pull myself ( Read more... )

It's so easy to lose yourself in the madness. But then you step aside and realize that there is no beauty in this. It all seems so terribly romantic and enticing. To just go crazy. To throw yourself into chaos and not look back. To keep pushing, further and further, see how far you can take it. It's a great way to escape the humdrum of life ( Read more... )

At this point, I think it'd be quite sweet to die, just to spite my doctors and make them feel like shit for not listening to me. Fuck this. I want to have my life, I want to do all the things I know I could be doing. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. So angry. I am dying and no one is willing to help me ( Read more... )