i need to remember that when i have to make the big decisions in my life, there is always going to be that intense F*R*E*A*K*O*U*T moment because of my PTSD stuff. which my mother reminded me of in our 1 1/2 hour telephone call about my finances and how far i have come in ten years from the prior freakout moment where i boarded a greyhound bus in ( Read more... )

so what does one say when the proverbial lightbulb lights up over one's head when one is sitting across from a loan officer at a bank, peering at figures that tell one that one is going to have to wake up up from the happy, giddy dream-state now and get real about what one can truly afford for housing as a (perpetually, it seems) single person with ( Read more... )

so angela and morbid's christmas gift has been riding around in the car with me to various destinations for almost two weeks now. every time i think i am going to have time between appointments with families, i end up having no time at all. it was either: stand in line at the post office for the 20 minutes i MIGHT have to stand there to finally get ( Read more... )

arizona was better than i ever could have imagined. i decided before leaving that i was going to let go of all my preconceived notions and unending desires about what i wanted to do and (finally, omg, finally) just go with the flow. just let life transpire and unfold, and let every experience just transpire and unfold, without trying to CONTROL it ( Read more... )

in 48 hours i will sitting on a plane at this very moment, watching the sun rise across the tarmac. it can't really come soon enough. i have a homestudy to finish typing this morning, a homestudy to review this morning, laundry to do this afternoon, last minute running around to get done tonight, a filthy house to clean tomorrow morning, a ( Read more... )

some obnoxious punk is taking travis to task for his spelling, and i am fucking sick of it. so he can't spell, so what. like this obnoxious punk (i.e., O.P.) can be human. travis can't spell, O.P. can't be human. shaddup and get off the high horse and die already. god. what a miserable piece of cr ( Read more... )

i'm having a really hard time as of late. everything around me is dying, which usually doesn't bother me because the beauty of autumn is so stunning here. however, i have discovered that having two periods in a month and an in-between scraping out of my uterus does, in fact and of course, bother me in ways i can't even see ( Read more... )

narcotics don't work for me. all they do is put me in an incredible rage. no fun stuff at all. i took two pills and got angrier still. i'm a not fun pill-taker, so enough of that ( Read more... )

yeah, so...now the drugs are finally wearing off, and i'm pissed off as all hell. so much for being a 24 hour drug addict, i'd never make it past the come-down if this continued--give me some more, mr. dopeman, gimmee a hell yeah and say it again ( Read more... )

my mother and i are fed up ( Read more... )