When I smile it makes my face gigantic. I carry so much weight in my face... or it feels this way at least ( Read more... )

I've been up for a while because I can't sleep. Maybe I'll nap later. My mind has just been full of thinking lately and I can't make it stop. I keep overanalyzing things instead of just living my life. But then it has always been like this ( Read more... )

I cried when I left OP for the last time.... In that city anyway. I've gone there for the past two years and formed a really strong bond with one of the therapists. For a long time I wondered why I was crying so much, when I didn't even cry for any of the other huge changes that have taken place. I think it's because I was worried about slipping ( Read more... )

I just realized:

I'm on medication, and as a result I don't feel emotions ... yet emotions are essential for a relationship

Without the drugs, I'd experience too much depression & anxiety to even meet a guy and sustain a relationship.

Fuck.

Depression, loneliness, feeling fat, feeling worthless.

Life is unfair. People who are fortunate aren't always the ones who should be...

I'm just saying.

when is it my turn?

I still feel so gripped by the ED voices. My doctor today said they never go away. That killed me a bit. I think I've been working towards the possibility that they would, at some point in the future, be totally gone. Maybe she's right ( Read more... )

I really want to be in a relationship again. A real one. A good one. It feels like it's been so long. I don't know why this is killing me so much right now. I just want something to latch on to. I want that feeling of security ( Read more... )

I will not throw up tonight. I will not eat tonight. I will not throw up tonight.

Although my writing skills are adept, I'm pretty drunk... I won't lie.

But I won't throw up tonight.

the end.

p.s. I'm really stressed about life and graduation and I love my friends. I have been blessed with really wonderful friends.

So much is not in my hands right now. Waiting to hear back from schools, waiting to hear about a place to rent, waiting just waiting foreverrrr. It's so frustrating ( Read more... )

So now my other roomate is here and argh. I just feel like she's being really selfish right now. FUCK. This is now when I feel like the first one got nicer. I'm just really cranky and moody.... which is weird because I felt uber manic this morning. argh...

I hope this isnt a side effect of the BCP.