Really disappointed that my housemate is back home right now. She just rubs me the wrong way somehow. I think it's bc she's a total snob and I'm really down to earth. She's spoiled and I'm not... and the whole food fiasco thing contributes to it as well. When I'm around other people I think twice about eating what I want when I want. And yet ( Read more... )

I don't know why but I've really been negative and angry lately. I'm also feeling a bit paranoid and hostile. Maybe cause I haven't done CBT in over a month? Or is it my medication that's pooping out on me? Either way isn't a good thing. People have suggested that I increase my meds, but I really don't want to. 60 mgs is apparently not much ( Read more... )

I didn't exercise for five days then I went today. I felt better when I did but I'm pretty sure I had a mini-manic episode this afternoon, about five hours after I went to the gym. I don't know if they're related but it just confirmed all the worries I have about my mental health ( Read more... )

I'm just really sick of being this size.

I'm at my mom's house again now and it's old already after a day. I hate this city. I hate not having my usual food, my usual eating time etc. I miss the routine of being at MY home. My place feels like home. Bah ( Read more... )

90% of all men are scum. 98% of men my age are scum. Why do I forget this so quickly? I really shouldn't because I have so much history to back this up. Whatever. I know I'll end up with one of the 10%, it will just take a while because statistics work against me right now. And I refuse to put up with crap. I deserve better.

I am constantly worried that people can see right through me. That they know what a messed up human being I am. And I'm so angry at myself because it feels like everything I do is never good enough. I can't even spill drinks or screw up making food, because when I do, it feels like people either judge me or it's some sign from my eating disorder ( Read more... )

I woke up at 2 am last night thinking fatuglyfatuglyfatuglyfatugly. Seriously. These are the two thoughts that repeat over and over in my head. I hate it. I couldn't go to sleep and I just wanted to escape. In any way. I'm feeling irresponsible and unsafe. This isn't good ( Read more... )

How messed up is it that I got two 100% grades back this week and it still doesn't give me the high that restricting did ( Read more... )

I feel like all my emotions are hugely jumbled and confused. Sometimes I just feel so sapped of strength to do anything at all. I just want to give up on everything ( Read more... )