Across the far-off Pains of Lombardy, a great sounding came from war-horns carved from the tusks of giant-mothers, and the earth rumbled at the opening of the 50-foot tall God’s Gates of Castello Sfvorzesco, spilling forth Holy Flamebearers across the northlands. For days, all across the Blessed Empire, strode the Holy Flamebearers to bring news ( Read more... )

Episode 5 ( Read more... )

This is one of the many stories of Sarbox the Destroyer, Scourge of the Actuarial Barbarians and Omen of the Coming Darkness of That Which Shall Know No Name. In all fairness, this SHOULD make no sense whatsoever...but I will personally give Ten (10) shiny, brand-new Cool Points to any one of you little demon-piglets who can translate this post ( Read more... )

We cringe through a full minute of dead-key atonal static and the kind of raw, red distortion that makes the owners of clubs and their large, expensive speakers weep tears of runny little dollar signs. This is how W.A.S.T.E. shakes hands with their captive audience. This is when she calls me cooler than frozen peas and dares me to include that ( Read more... )

Lauren, sweetie, cover your ears. You’re not gonna want to hear this, because we’re about to talk Primaries ( Read more... )

A few words about the New Hampshire Primary on the 8th and the upcoming Michigan primary on the 15th ( Read more... )

Why is this Electric Bastard just so gosh darned happy about Primary Season ( Read more... )

The show opens with a local-Richmond band, Now, Sleepyhead. Really, that’s not true. The show opens with me sitting in a god damned alley for two hours outside a nigh-unmarked door next to two nineteen-year-old girls and their mom. Apparently, none of the three have ever been to a bar show before (or since Carter was president), which is evinced ( Read more... )

Like Linus from those wholly depressing Peanuts cartoons of youth, I began the night firmly attached to the pool table, my big, blue security blanket. By the time I finally dragged my carcass out to the external Noise Gazeebo, lashed uncoordinatedly to the side of Rocks, it was moments before the local boys of Synthetic Nightmare would harangue us ( Read more... )

So. I'm having a bit of a birthday on Sunday. And as with most years, my birthday is one of the more fundamental ways in which I mark the larger stages of my own personal development. A time for reflection and for resolution. As such, my birthdays are, by and large, a complete motherfucker on my emotional state, as they probably are for most of ( Read more... )