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I'm fat. This is not a value judgment meant to criticize or evoke sympathy. Don't tell me I'm not. It's a part of who I am, how the world sees me and how I choose right now to identify. I was not always physically fat, even though as an eating-disordered teen I thought I was. I was no where near fat in high school. I did not know this at the time. ( Read more... )

Feeling competition I never signed up for stirred up from ladies who don't really know me. My favorite clown told me to throw myself into work instead of obsessing about things like this, about girls who don't know me and their opinions of who they think I am. Why am I worried? Am I afraid she's powerful? Because she has more pictures of her ( Read more... )

There is a distance we cannot cross. Different then the distance between us and the bridge to that bright island she showed us, but just as complicated. I want to reach out to you. I want to help breathe warmth back into your hands but it is impossible. It's not my place and we're not those girls anymore. Stagelights were always brightest next to

The sun is shining, it's beautiful out. I'm about to go nap in my car. I keep thinking to myself, I do not understand people anymore... I've given up on trying to understand the long ago friend, that's past and gone, nothing to be done but face each other in silence when we meet at the show tonight....I know I'll keep seeing our names on bills ( Read more... )

Why are breakups between friends the hardest? And why do I miss you when I know you can't be trusted?

In your mythology you are the girl with a glass heart and I am the girl with a hammer. In my mythology I was the girl who fell in love with something she'd never be (you) and you are the scorpion poison I kept drinking anyway. Sometimes I wonder if any of the things you said were real. All the proclamations of sister hood and open roads, but these ( Read more... )

my urge to self destruct is creeping behind me. it follows everywhere, not so silent, it's slimy and mean faced and full of my doubts. "just light it all on fire and run, better yet, go in the back yard, pour the lighter fluid on yourself and light a match"....that's what it keeps telling me. They wanted to see me cry; always the pleaser (my mother ( Read more... )

settling down into myself again. reflecting..not surprised that i feel like i'm getting a chest cold....time to release. having good conversations with women wiser/older then myself, they help.

There will be a vacant room available November 1st in my house. We are located in Oakland just up the hill from the east side of Lake Merritt. The house is a beautiful Victorian mansion built in 1890 that was broken up into units. Our unit takes up the entire top floor. There is a large kitchen, large living room, huge parlor/art space, all with ( Read more... )