"...every moment we live disappears. I was a elementary school student, too, but I can't remember most of the things that happened then. There were photos and videos taken, but I can't go back to that moment. In other words, the 'me' who was an elementary school student has disappeared. The 'me' in junior high, as well. And the 'me' who was a high ( Read more... )

How exactly is the last day of the year different from all the other days that you’ve gone through before, or all the days that you will go through? Is it really just an excuse to get drunk, to have fun; does it really matter? I am a believer in symbols, in meanings within meanings, in layers and layers of unsaid things that float between us when ( Read more... )

I guess I could say that I’m feeling better now, compared to this time last year. I guess I could say that it’s an improvement, that things worked out, that I think maybe it’ll be okay in the end after all. But I just can’t shake this feeling that something is wrong, and even though I’ve had this feeling for perhaps more than two years already, I ( Read more... )

I am in the car listening to the shins and my heart feels so heavy and I don’t know why, of course I am remembering things again because I’m on my father’s laptop and I found old msn conversations and also writings from the first issue of my zine and it broke my heart to realize that I am no longer that person who wrote all those things. I feel ( Read more... )

Itsu no hi ni ka ai no nazo mo tokete
Mune wo kogasu shoutai sae
Tsukamaerareru no ka

(When will that day come, when the puzzle of love dissolves
Is it when you'll be able to seize the true nature of love
Even when it burns your heart?)
- the pillows, fool on the planeti've been stumbling into blogs of people i knew from the past, and it's ( Read more... )

"we were surprised when we found out that love feels just like pain" - my heart, k's choiceto tell the truth i am aware that i seem to be writing more and more depressing entries, and that it gets some people down. but i'm not really into this for anyone other than myself. and it's not that there are never any moments of light, just that there hasn ( Read more... )

almost this entire week i have been cursing myself for not getting any work done, but just now, when i finished watching that episode of Mahou Shoujotai, i didn't go on to the next episode and just sat in the silence. and it's dark. and so, so very quiet. and my heart starts beating faster and i quickly play some music and look for something to ( Read more... )

i said that i never can stay angry at someone, and that's true. i can never keep the anger. but the grudge, it remains and festers, until it isn't even about them anymore, it combines with everything everyone had done and just becomes one more thing that makes me believe that people don't give a shit about anything or anyone, they just say they do ( Read more... )

i think, i don't know, i feel very clutch today (wow, haven't used that word in a long time). like my hands won't stop shaking which is annoying when you're trying to work on photoshop, so i quit. it's irrational fear again. i already cleaned the entire apartment yesterday so there's nothing else to do so i just changed the catsan again and ate the ( Read more... )

I always listen to Velvet Underground when I'm particularly moody. I'll keep the lights off, except for one lamp, fix myself a drink, snuggle among piles of pillows on the floor, and play their third album. I don't know how I survived before. These songs, I want them to be the soundtrack of my life, but of course life is not so beautiful. Right now ( Read more... )