I apologize, to anyone who cares, for not being available, talkative, whatever lately. My life is falling apart. I am falling apart. This depressive episode has gone on too long and the daily cost of it is immeasurable. The only thing that seems to matter is that I can't handle it. I've reverted back to some negative behavior, which I'm not proud ( Read more... )

I need someone to tell me that everything's going to be OK. I won't necessarily believe it, but sometimes I just feel as though I need to hear it. Maybe I'll believe it if I hear it enough times. I'm tired of uncertainty. I'm sick of change. I just want to find some kind of normal that feels, well, normal, and stays that way indefinitely.

I feel as though anytime I try to make sense of my life, I only discover that it doesn't make sense. It's an unsettling feeling.

I'm so tired of struggling. Why does everything have to be so hard? Is it some large cosmic joke I'm not in on?

Who am I supposed to call when my therapist is out of the country and my psychiatrist is also on vacation?

OK, so I'm feeling a lot better about things. It's hard to be in a relationship when both of us are in transition in our lives. We're both trying to be better people in many respects, which means that a lot of our faults frequently shine through. It's rough right now, but we've talked and we're both wholly committed to each other. I always have ( Read more... )

I almost didn't come home tonight. That's how great I'm feeling right now.

I wish I could just disappear for a while and tell no one where I'm going. I would stay away for as long as I felt I needed and would, hopefully, return without people asking too many questions. Maybe I'll do it this summer when my work schedule dies down a bit. Unfortunately, given my history, I think my family would really worry if they didn't ( Read more... )

Life is full of ups and downs -- I know all too well that it's true. My question, though, is whether I'm strong enough to handle it. I'm not convinced that I am. My track record isn't really a good one.

I seem to have hit a rough patch. The last month or so of my life has not exactly gone according to plan. December was a difficult month that ended what was a difficult year. I'm trying to be hopeful about 2009, but it's a hard thing to do when I'm depressed.

Some things I've come to realize lately:
1. My stepmom is a manipulative, unkind woman who ( Read more... )