She....she won't ever love me. Never. I don't remember today. I have no idea what went on. All I remember is "I'm going out on Fri." and how I'll never be good enough.....I wonder if she even shed a tear. I....help. Help.

Sundays are so not the Sabbath. Why would God pick such a worthless day as His day? Nothings open, there's never anything to do and only bad things happen. At least to me. Why do I try to help my family. "OH were gonna go cleaning and we'd sure like it if you came and helped." So I go and just because I tell my mom, very calmly mind you, that I ( Read more... )

Why are people so retarted? I mean...I'm retarted but holy shit. Almost everyone I know is FUCKING RETARTED! You all need to be slapped in the face. Are you people all stupid? Is everyone blind? I don't mean to wax intellectual but I have never met anyone else I consider an equal. Not because I have any special skills or a high I.Q. or good ( Read more... )

I feel weird. I don't want to go out with Megan tomorrow. I just hit that mood where I don't wanna do anything. It's not exactly being depressed bit more like sluggish. I dunno why I feel like that. Weird. It's just a big pain and makes me wanna fuck things up really bad but I'm trying not too. I don't know why I wanna mess up stuff. Most of the ( Read more... )

I think I'm gonna stop hanging out with Chris and Kevin less. Maybe for awhile or for a long time I don't know. I'm just not gonna be around for this whole cycle bullshit over again. I just need to find some new people who will actually appreciate me and not remind me of all the things I used to do because that makes it hard to move on. Sometimes I ( Read more... )

I just had a panic attack. I have alot of panic attacks. I'll be laying there, always in bed just trying to get to sleep. Than suddenly it hits me out of the blue, I'm gonna die. I keep repeating it and I start shaking. I usually just run in the hall until it goes away but I ran to my landing. My mom was watching TV and I just stood there, watching ( Read more... )

Sometimes it hurts alot to be a good guy. It makes sense why I gravitate towards being a jerk. Everyone does. I guess that's why they say nice guys finish last because honestly, they do. If I was a jerk about it, I'd probably have a date on Fri. with a girl I really like. Instead I tried to do that right thing and make sure that she was happy ( Read more... )

I hate school. It was my first day. I have no friends not even one. I sat all alone in the heat at lunch and listened to music. I hate all ym classes but I don't think they'll let me change them. I said about 11 words today including the "here" for roll call. That was 3. Maybe if I'm quiet no one will hate me. The girl I like didn't even say hi to ( Read more... )

I can't stop crying. I just keep smashing everything in my own face. I just listen to music all day and all night and cry. I can't keep this up. I can't deal with all my insecurities and all my fears and all my regrets. I can't handle having no where to go and no peace of mind and no one to be there. I can't deal with all these falsities and my own ( Read more... )

I'm pretty lonley. I don't think I have any friends left. I don't wanna start school because I can't stand all the drama I know I'm gonna go through. Get me the fuck out of here! I'm gonna work my ass off to graduate because I can't stand all the bullshit I feel on an avergae day. No one gets anything I say, I just catch shit and get ripped on for ( Read more... )