Well, my eyes hurt, but at least I can see more clearly out of my left one.  It seems that my doctor may be on board with switching back to one of the seizure medications that didn't cause so many awful side effects for a while.  So far it's looking like topamax, which causes me to have a very difficult time expressing thoughts verbally, but I'll ( Read more... )

Grr....  I can hardly see out of my left eye, and there was blood in my ears when I cleaned them today.  My throat is sore, my glands are swollen, and I'm exhauste, and my chest hurts.  This must be some mighty congestion to be effecting my vision.  Perhaps I should get a thermometer.  I'm starting to be concerned.  

Taking fear by the balls and saying "You will NOT control me!" is one of the things I'm working on.  Social situations are one of the things that frighten me the most.  I *like* being social, but I shake,  turn red, drip sweat, stutter, can't think... You get the idea.  How did I get from stripping to this ( Read more... )

Though I've gotten much better about not doing it, I did end up cutting myself a few weeks ago.. Or actually, Brian did it to ease his concerns on whether or not it's safe.  I'm told it's rage pointed inward.  I believe it.  Pain, humiliation, frustration and helplessness turned to rage.  My dreams are terribly violent most of the time.  Sometimes ( Read more... )

also feel very justified.  I'm sure that means that I'm wrong.  It almost always does.  I have trouble making noise like turning on the radio while I clean or vacuum while Brian is sleeping.  Brian chooses his own schedule, and I try to keep mine to at least sort of normal standards.  I just told Brian "If you choose to continue sleeping past 6: ( Read more... )

And they drag teeth.

Brian and I have some sort of mild flu.  The part I dislike the most is the difficulty breathing, as it causes me to have to suppress panic attacks constantly.  I ate some junk food today (yesterday?), and have been up literally all night with stomach problems.  I'm in that state where my skin seems to be vibrating, and stationary things appear to ( Read more... )

I'm feeling fragile and frightened today, along with emotionally exhausted.  Jet, my personal big black ray of sunshine, is doing his job perfectly..Sticking to me like glue, snuggling with all of his furry might, and encouraging me to play.  I love him so much.  He doesn't care what I look like, or how damaged I am.  He just loves me, and wants to ( Read more... )

A guy I know wants to be "friends with benefits". To be honest, sex scares the holy living hell out of me right now.  It's only going to happen with people I know well and trust deeply.  Is that so hard to understand? 

Here's the thing.  I want a bike.  Not the motorized kind, but the sort with pedals that most children learn to ride at a young age.  Here's the problem.  I have somewhat unpredictable seizures.  In my world, this translates to "Life's a bitch, buy a helmet.".....However, Brian objects on the grounds that the falls are bad enough at home, with ( Read more... )