Dating

[nausved]

I really dislike dates. I like hanging out with people, and I like having excuses to see things and do things. I just dislike the wishy-washiness of it all. Sometimes dates feel like a job interview, except that it isn't clear who's interviewing whom or what, precisely, the position is. The process is like a strange, stilted, improvised dance where

Comments

[csn]

he heh, yep!

Are you single again?

[nausved]

Yes, as of April-ish.

[csn]

I've been in a relationship for three months now. It's been pretty good, but I have this thought I keep coming back to: I realize, every relationship I've been in, I feel ambiguous about to some degree, which leads me to wondering if that's just the nature of relationships. What do you think?

[nausved]

That has always been my experience. I suspect it's normal...? Or at least normal for a young relationship, where there are still a lot of uncertainties. Or maybe it's just normal for certain sorts of people; I know I have a tendency to be doubtful in nearly all aspects of my life, especially those aspects that are rather variable or new.

[vierten]

Back to square one?

I wasn't friends with either of the girls I've been in a relationship with beforehand, in spite of always saying a relationship should be based on a good friendship. I think dating could only tell me that I might want to get to know a person, but it would never happen the right way in the context of 'dating'. I also have an incredible fear of figuring out I don't even like the person I'm talking to and yet feeling obligated to at least finish the date - which would require a feigned interest in them and idle conversation. I might just climb out the bathroom window or fake a seizure.

[nausved]

Yeah, things like that make me think the speed dating model might be ideal for things like this.

[csn]

hmm..good point..

[cailement]

I like the organic styles as well. Not that I have much experience, but that seems to work better for both sides than the actual "let's go on a date." I've found it generally works better if instead of a "date," we just "hang out" for a bit, even with other people. Dating usually works better if there's friendship first, ya?

[momentai]

Sorry to hear you're single. Are you just taking a break from each other

[nausved]

It's a real breakup, and we'll never be in a relationship together again. Don't be sorry. There were no problems; it went very well, from start to finish, and we were very open and honest with each other. We never had a fight, and I expect we never will. It was simply time for us to go our separate ways, at least on the romantic front. The relationship ended, but that doesn't mean it failed; I'm very, very grateful it happened. I learned a lot, and I'm more confident and content with myself now than I have been at any other point in my post-adolescent life.

[momentai]

I'm glad you're happy with how it all worked. I just felt bad since you seemed so happy with him

[drakemobius]

I don't think I've ever stressed out over something being titled a 'date', as I'm slow moving and generally do the same things as I would do if we were just hanging out as friends. But I do feel somewhat similar about trying to guess someone else's intentions; I've never known what 'signals' were, and whether someone was sending them at me or what ones I might, inadvertently, be sending. And when everyone else talks about them, I get frustrated. Did I ruin something 'cause I didn't catch a signal and she thought I was ignoring it? Signals are dumb.