I'm not sure how to express the thoughts that boil like a kettle inside of me. those who were so close are now so desperately far and the distance is only filled once in a blue moon.. or four or five. there are things that I think about when I'm alone in bed that no one has ever heard, or likely ever will hear. there is a disproportionate amount of ( Read more... )

things are okay. I forgot how nice it is to date someone who likes you much more than you like them.

leaving for new york on the 12th. VERY EXCITED.

I can feel the weight of school's return already. the constant reading, midterms, papers. trying to connect with classmates and teachers and make each day even slightly more bearable. coming home feeling defeated and exhausted every day. although, I suppose I'm already doing that. I still work at the hospital but after three years, every day feels ( Read more... )

there are these emotions that I've never been able to explain to people. never. there are some things about me that have never made much sense. never ever. and every time I see someone nod their head at me or spit optimism at me, I just simply can't stand it. never have been able to. no one knows what it's like here, with these changing faces and ( Read more... )

it's strange how many things can fall apart and how many people can break you and suddenly, a person walks into your life and makes you forgot all of that.
this is a wonderful surprise.

I feel nearly nothing for people. true, I do have a couple of dear friends and I love big social situations, but when I find myself in a rare state of sobriety, I become completely intolerant of those around me. I am insufferably apathetic. I can hold a conversation well enough.. for a while.. but I don't really feel as if I'm doing the talking. it ( Read more... )

I am strangely okay with the things I have said and done. my mind is calmer than I thought it would be--maybe it's the mere three hours of sleep I got last night. the past few days have reminded me of who I used to be; I embrace it. moreover, I have grasped the potential of who I could be, and it excites me even more ( Read more... )

It is in my blood. This awful disease that I spread. Everywhere that I go, I create conflict; I create chaos. The only thing that I have ever been able to rely on is the fact that I have the ability to ruin anything that makes me happy. If you set a set of circumstances up under a magnifying glass and analyze all the components and the ( Read more... )

I think a lot less these days. I don't write anymore because I don't have anything to write about. Rarely does any significant thought cross my mind. Every argument, every irritation, all the parties, all the guys, all my friends, acquisitions, woes, and joys.. everything just seems like a shoddy replica of something better achieved and better ( Read more... )

I'd like to think that it's over. But I suppose it never is. I suppose.

Oh, I should be in bed, but I'm too concerned with forgeting about the past in the future and presently forgeting about the present. It's okay; I'm the only one I expect to understand.

What a world of drinks and disappointment I have spiraled into.