I'd rather you hate me then feel nothing for me at all.

I've known for awhile that I'm not actually living on the inside. Everything is dead. And it will continue to be. Everytime I feel like something inside of me is awakening, I just get pulled back down to reality and realize that I'm not that kind of person. I cannot pretend to be happy anymore. I cannot pretend that I even like myself a little bit ( Read more... )

all i wanted was you

I understand your need to switch the roles around and despise me for the fact that we didn't last. And I will be your punching bag, if you'll stay in my past. I understand to want to have mature dialogue is too much to ask. And I'll be your one regret. If you'll stay in my past ( Read more... )

Today is a big day for me. I found, well, Ali found a church here that supports gay rights. Which is amazing. I never thought that would happen here in Sandusky. Anyway, I'm so fucking nervous. Service starts at 10:00am. And I'm about to puke. I don't even know why. I just am. I guess because the last time I was in a church it did something to me. ( Read more... )

I cannot, and I will not lose you for all the ways I have dismayed, or grived, or failed you. I swear I will show you I am not the person you think that I am. I am not sorry. I refuse to apologize for what you have awakened in me. For the first time in 20 years I felt something I've never felt in my entire being. I love you. And for that I will ( Read more... )

I loved you. You made me hate me.

I need help ( Read more... )

I'm the worlds biggest fuck up.

I've not only grown to hate everyone around me, but I've also grown to hate myself.
I'm done. I'm really done. If you read this, just know that I loved you with a love like no other.

i've deleted this journal, if you want my new one let me know