I've decided to stop seeing Michal...she's tooooo new agey, and I'm not ready for spirituality. Tomorrow I'm going to see Dhanani (pdoc). I'll tell him that I want to start seeing Dr. Grieco again (the psychologist who diagnosed me with BPD). There are some things that I need to tell him first, so I thought I'd say them here before I explain them ( Read more... )

I haven't posted in a while. I've stopped going to anad. I've stopped trying to be a member of the "eating disorder club". Yeah. I was being lame. I've started cutting again, but I've been trying to control it. I just flip flop between the different ways of acting out. I've been put on lithium....I don't know what to say about that. Michal and I ( Read more... )

I've really been struggling with my eating disorder. I've been fluctuating between restricting and bingeing/purging. I've given up SI, but this has become worse. I can't seem to do anything right except for my Ed, so I keep on doing it. I set some goals for tomorrow and I'm gonna see if I can accomplish some things and abstain from my eating ( Read more... )

I binge/purged again! I really need tratment. It all started with a little restrictig earlier on in the day. I skipped 2 starches or something, and I ended up fucking up entirely. I'm trying to figure out why I did what I did. Ok lets see ( Read more... )

I had a minor binge today...it was followed by a total purge. Complete with throwing up water to make sure I got everything out. I don't know if I really feel bad about it. I have to ask myself "what's 'really' going on?" Well....I miss my dad, my sister is always getting on to me, my mother doesn't understand anything, my brother is always making ( Read more... )

Today I'm going to do dishes, clean my room, get the oil changed in the honda, clean the honda from the inside, journal, cook, read some of harry potter 6, and exercise.

My eating disorder is a monster.
A shapeshifting and cunning beast.
Some days I try to starve it to death.
Others I try to pacify if by feeding it in excess.
Other days I poison my body with chemicals to purge it away.
In the end the result is only pain.
Pain of the flesh.
Pain of the mind.
Pain of the soul.
In the end I never reach my goal.

Ahhhhhh....I hate Ed. Recovery hurts.

I found a some anti ana communities, but I'm not ana. So I started an anti ed community. http://community.livejournal.com/antied/ Everyone can join.

I haven't been doing to well. I became pro-ed for a little while. I've been restricting and purging a lot. I need to get back into healthy habits...well I've never had healthy habits....so I need to develop them. Today I'm aiming for normal eating. Not necessarily healthy...but more like not restrictive or full of binges. Anyways enough rambling ( Read more... )