If drugs are addicting, then what the hell is this? You never really know what kind of things you need in life until they are taken or ripped away. I remember who I used to be, what I would face every day in the mirror... now... heh, I can't tell if an angel is looking down upon me, or a demon is glaring back. I really feel like I'm losing it ( Read more... )

For some reason, I can't shake this feeling I have. I feel right now that I've lived a lie, that the last few years of my life were just a fantasy in my head. I feel awful. I feel like I've just awoken from the greatest dream I've ever had, and I'm back to a cruel reality. Two people... that I know of. Possibly only one, if I am not one of them. ( Read more... )

So, Wednesday night I had to work, and I wasn't feeling well at all. I had a fever, and possibly the cough from hell which thankfully allowed me to leave work a little early. Well, on Thursday, I pretty much felt like I was dying, and I couldn't get my fever down. It finally went to 102.8 when Mick drove me to the hospital. Jordan came with as well ( Read more... )

I want it to end. I just wanted to be happy, but no. Why does Eric deserve to be happy? No no... fuck him, we'll give what he wants to somebody else who doesn't FUCKING DESERVE IT. I wonder, assuming I do sleep, what nightmares the night will bring. I feel shattered. I've never felt it before. Countless times has life broken me, making me stronger ( Read more... )

I've finally done it. I'm back to who I used to be, but somehow... things are different this time around. The one thing that I didn't know the first time around has found me, or I have found it. It's what makes the nights shorter, the mornings refreshing, sugar sweeter, air crisper, and thoughts bearable. I couldn't imagine myself doing drugs for ( Read more... )

So, it's been quite a long time since I've updated and a lot has changed. First of all, I'm posting this from my new computer (Dell laptop... woot), and it's amazing. Even though I'm going to be facing some financial struggles in the immediate future, I think that I can do this on my own. That makes me really happy. Things between Sarah and me are ( Read more... )

I got a job at Speed Way a couple of days ago. I'm a third shifter... that sucks. Hopefully I can show others that by having this job, I won't be "irresponsible". Thanks Mom... Anyway, I have a lot on my plate right now, starting this job that I know I won't enjoy for less money than I should receive. Also, I can't seem to have fun anymore. For ( Read more... )

These damn emotions just keep getting in the way, making it hard to have a rational thought process. Other than death hanging around every corner (aka me being sick), today wasn't all bad. I got to watch a Japanese kid's movie called My Neighbor Totoro, and it was pretty cool. Totoro is a huge bunny/kitty/thingy that has cute expressions. The movie ( Read more... )

If I sit, by myself, I'm left alone to think. Is this a bad thing, or can it do some good? I don't know. Is it good that I hear things or just discover how awful of a person I am? Sure, people may say that I'm a good person, but listening to the things I've done, how can I be ( Read more... )

The title has two meanings. First of all, I've had the Folger's song stuck in my head all day, and secondly, I'm stuck in an uncomfortable place. For example, things between Sarah and I are going to be difficult (more than usual) because we're figuring out what not to do this time around, if in fact we are able to date again. Also, Jordan is ( Read more... )