body image rant- relax Rach.

[nikkiremembered]

Comments

[tornbetween]

I love that pic too! :-D

[ana4athom]

I've seen that pic before and I love it because:
1) she's not sucking in...she's just literally skin and bones
2) she's so EXTREMELY thin that it makes me feel super fat and motivated to lose more weight
and
3) she's proof that the skeletal body is beautiful and possible to attain!!!!

[nikkiremembered]

I love it too, I do think super-boney is kind of gross, but then again when you come this far (as the girl in the picture) what's really stopping you. I just find it so intriging, ever since I was young I would watch those eating disorder movies on Lifetime and think about how much I wanted to be them. Their lives, as fucked up as it was, seemed dark and mysterious to me. <3

you're not fat, but only you can beleive that. I think you are beautiful- you're thinner than me!

[saribynight]

You said something that sets off one of my biggest peeves right now (BTW, I love your long entries!) the part about *thinking* you'll be able to purge later? Ugh!

I have ROOMIES! They - and this is obviously not their fault - always need the bathroom when I fucking purging. Or before. Or they're walking around outside the door...they are always around when purging is involved.

Did my bf tell them, I wonder? No...the other day when I had to leave the bathroom mid-purge for an emergency, when I went back in I inhaled and discovered it really must have been. EWWW.

/rant.

[nikkiremembered]

It's hard for me to purge when people are around. I just can't get anything up. I get scared and it's like my gag refelx freezes on me. <3

[thesillyheart]

I'd love to be thin. Maybe not like that, I don't think it would suit me (broad shoulders, broad hips...I'd look bizarre). The only thing I worry about-- and please don't think I'm trying to be preachy about it, though I know that's how this will come off-- is, just how healthy is the girl in the picture? How many years does she have left if she stays that way

[nikkiremembered]

I understand where you're coming from. Of course the girl in the picture isn't healthy. After all, she's skin and bones. But I envy this body. I don't ever want to be 59 lbs. but I wouldn't mind being 85. It's mostly a feeling a worth or strength. I'm not mad at all for you posting this, at least you understand. <3

hey

[pixiehopper8]

I just want you to know that i love you so much. You know that when Nikki died i told her that i would always be there as a sister for you. I know i could never come close to being the way she is to you, but i will always be there for you. I want so much for this part of your life to be ok. I don't want to get a call about you like i did about nikki. i know you hear this all the time and i do understand! you know i do! I just need you to know that you can call me any time! night or day. It's not good for you to be alone with no one to talk to. I hope that you don't feel like everything i'm saying is stupid. I just see so much of your sister in you and i know she was always alone even with all her friends. I don't want you to be alone. Anyways, i love you. i guess that's all....

Re: hey

[nikkiremembered]

AW thanks Jen! You know, sometimes I wonder if I'm reliving her life. I know this feeling is very common when a sibling dies; you want to live what they lived, even if it means feeling pain. I'd love to type more, but I'd rather email you, what's your email adress? People reach out and I dont want to take their hands but you're different because you've known me. I love you too.

You and Peter and so cute, I hope it's a girl, but even if it's a boy, he will be so beautiful.