Just got home after a suprisingly good night that began in a (not so) surprisingly terrible mood. And also I'm drunk. Weeeeeee beetchez!!

I totally got my IM program to say "Heyhowzitgoin'?" when I sign on and "Fuck this shit!" when I sign off. It is endlessly amusing.

My new favorite pickup line:

Does this smell like chloroform to you?

Dad: Basing my entire financial future on winning the lottery is probably not the best way to ensure our financial security.

Even though I never really mentioned that I was going anywhere, I am now back from the last bit of military training I had to do before my actual officer stuff starts. It was a long 5 weeks, but at the same time some of it seemed to pass by really quickly. The funniest part of it was the shared experience of nearly every guy out there to watch ( Read more... )

I find it really hilarious that whenever I get spam myspace friend requests that show girls advertising their naked pictures almost all of them have Jesus listed as one of their heroes.

I just watched a video that shows Stevie Wonder playing a drum solo, and all I could think was how funny it would be if the guy who helped him to the drum set moved one of the cymbals while he was playing.

The need to cut people out of photos with scissors has been drastically reduced with the advent of the digital age. Gone are the days of slicing past someone's face to remove them from your memory. Instead, you can now use Photoshop to show everyone what a wonderful time you and Jesus had when the Titanic sank in Vietnam.

Today I got a gun AND a cannoli.

Goodbye, Cornell.