Yesterday, I whispered goodbye to debate. Maybe not for forever, but the only staple from the past four years of my life has officially been removed.

It is the end of an era.

The qualifier for NFL was moved last minute to Pine View in Sarasota. Vince asked me to walk to his house during the break between yesterday's two rounds, but in the end we met ( Read more... )

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss people and the way things used to be.
I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have FSU plans plastered against my throat.
I'd be lying if I said things were perfect.
Maybe silence is worse.

To wear a disguise is to tell a lie. Soon, life is a masquerade.

The morning was terrible. Mackenzie's party was awkward, and Derrick barely spoke, but the mafia game made everything fantastic and fun. Afterward, we drove back to his house and hung out for an hour or two. We exchanged gifts, him getting the mix CD that took me close to a week to compile and design the case for, and me getting a card and a dozen ( Read more... )

Our anniversary was Thursday and I got a ride to his house straight from school. We got dressed together and I had to help him choose an outfit after the fifty minutes of indecisiveness started to drive us both crazy. He got his license that morning and he drove us to Carrabba's. It had to be 35 degrees outside, and I was in some sleeveless purple ( Read more... )

"I don't want to fuck this up... I don't want to lose you."

I want to run. I am happy, and I want to run. I can't sleep at night. I'm not getting school work done. I am happy, and I am terrified. I am terrified of losing you, of you seeing who I used to be, that I am still that same girl. I am paralyzed with fear, and I am afraid that that is the ( Read more... )

Bianca Elizabeth Larrea ( Read more... )

I am happy ( Read more... )

Both Christmas and the night before were bizarre, and I didn't enjoy them like I probably should have. I love being here, and I'm happy, but I wish I could transplant Derrick here and make this a permanent home that I wasn't going to be leaving in six months for college. Then everything would be right and good ( Read more... )

I love living here. I never thought I'd say that.
I am really. really happy. I never thought I'd say that.
I do not want to go to Connecticut yet. I never, ever thought I'd say that.

I am so glad that it's break.
I am so sad that I have next to no time left until I leave.

But seeing family that loves me and respects me and understands me is still pretty ( Read more... )

I have felt really hollow for a long time. I have felt numb, and unmotivated, and unworthy.

This afternoon, I just felt happy.

Mouths filled with cotton gasping for a breath of truth.
Nothing at all even happened.
But the concrete is hardening around my ankles. The lagoon is deep.
You are such a rich blue and the lights are out, but it doesn't matter,
( Read more... )