I'm listening to Dashboard. I never used too...I did like a long time ago but now I am listening to them and I think I can truly appreciate this time around ( Read more... )

I ate 2 cheese sandwiches and some low carb icecream. I was on my knees for a half hour or so vomiting it all up. I want to eat more ( Read more... )

heres how im going to do this ( Read more... )

Today I had ( Read more... )

I threw up so much my head hurts, my throat feels swollen and Im sweaty and cold. It was okay...then it sucked but I did it...then it was unbarable...then I couldnt do it anymore I just had to fucking stop. It was awful. Im out of breath with no energy and I know I am going to get fat. I guess Ill have to take those DISGUSTING diet pills. I am so ( Read more... )

Today was alright. My brother just called and when he said bye I was surprised. That seems wrong. Wrong that I would wonder why he said it or treated me half human ( Read more... )

The deal is I have to eat everything within my calorie and carb range or else I will not be following the plan. I have long since given up on weight loss and I now strive to follow sets and goals to control my eating patterns. Today it is 900 calories. 112 carbs. I ate meat...seemingly cooked. When I was finished I felt...not full and not fat. I ( Read more... )

Lately I've been craving affection pretty badly. I think I get like that then go to the other extreme where I don't want to be touched. For example my friend attempted to give me a hug when we were in an elevator. I pushed him away. Not because I don't want his hug but because I want it so bad that I just can't have it. I don't know why ( Read more... )

I went into town today to meet Katya and Matt at the hospital. When I got there I felt really awful. As the time went on I felt progressively worse. Eventually when we got to the fountain something snapped and I felt a weird feeling coming on. I could not understand why this feeling was just worsening. I mean I get that anxiety and crazed feeling a ( Read more... )

Moving on is such a difficult thing. One day I will have to move on from what I'm doing. I want other friends. Not to say I don't want to keep the lovely ones I have now...but they are all tied in to the fucked up past. It seems... that if I move on it will be for the better but I am just scared to find out what lies ahead. When you know you're ( Read more... )