I find myself here again and still relatively the same person yet different in some ways. Still, words fail me and I cannot place them on this page in a way that satisfies me. I am alive, I am breathing, I am fighting to survive, clinging to the happiness I have. It is my raft, my lifesaver in a sea of turmoil, pain, unknowns, and darkness. ( Read more... )

Okay so today is my dad's birthday. Like I do every year with every one that I care about I called him as soon as the day started at midnight to wish him a happy birthday. He knows that I do it every year yet he did not answer. Whatever I left him a message really asking about my grandpa and then I went to bed. My mother's birthday is Friday. I ( Read more... )

They say that when it gets unbearable that God will be there for you, so just in case He really is listening, I've got a message for him ( Read more... )

Despite the title this entry really isn't aiming for depressing. It very well may be depressing, but it truly is not my intent ( Read more... )

They say it helps to let it all out so here's hoping. I had a busy day planned today. First I had to meet with my recruiter and take a test required for my field and then I had a job interview. My recruiter said that the test would take but 5 minutes but he didn't tell me WHERE the test was. It turns our that the test was at Fort Gillem. I ( Read more... )

He didn't even mention me. Noone ever mentions me. Records and records of friends, letters, notes, asides... and my name is nowhere to be found. Noone goes through their day saying "I must remember to tell Ashley about this, or tell her that joke." Why is that? It's so frustrating to know that if I died today, noone would have anything to ( Read more... )

Where do the years and the time go ( Read more... )

People Suck! But then the people who really matter surprise you by verifying that the connection is there. I can make this right. I can make this work. Yahoo? Only time will tell on both of those. Trust me when I say, you will NEVER know... so don't even bother trying to figure it out. Is everyone blonde now or just blind? Synonyms? OOOOO

Why I Shouldn't Get Drunk ( Read more... )

We talked today, and it was... nice... so comfortable. I was finally honest with her. And we didn't ask each other to wait. But we made a promise to always have each other. Ebony is sitting on my lap right now as usual. And I'm okay. It's just some days I wake up and feel so sad. I get this heavy feeling in my chest and several times ( Read more... )