I was lying in the ER completely embarrassed after having a panic attack and he held my hand and kissed my forehead. I knew it was forever right then.

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I'm going to stop thinking past the next 6-12 hrs ahead.It really does horrible tricks on my psyche. Most of my troubles are of my own making. self will run a riot. Most of my fears are because self reliance has failed me miserably. I say this...but I don't know if I truly believe it...bc I keep repeating these actions or procrastinating any action ( Read more... )

I've always had this uneasy feeling and intuitive sense that someone I hold this close to my heart would be snatched right from under me without warning.
I shouldn't hesitate to make every second count.

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my long term memory has recovered the past. The pieces are not all there. There are definite gaps in the puzzle.my short term memory still sucks. some things never change.
Since I stopped drinking I feel everything. Personalization is still an issue but I can't really distinguish the true from the false.
My nightmares are farther apart bc I stopped ( Read more... )

Days like this that I feel I'm not quite cut out for nursing. Days like this I feel like I'm too emotionally/mentally illprepared for it.

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I got in trouble at work today. I'm a selfish person trying to do a selfless job. Always looking for shortcuts. charge nurse chose to point them all out today. Gonna have to be extra diligent to follow policies.
I suck at my job. Maybe it's time to try something different.
Well I don't Always suck. I get too comfortable too fast.
Anyway, He asked me ( Read more... )

Dane will be deployed 7 months after our wedding. Happy we get 14 months together before he leaves. Unhappy he needs to be activated at all. At least it's only 9 months instead of a full yr I can't wait to see him. I've been working out 4-5 times a week. I can really see the difference already. Feel awesome too.

Today I got some perspective. A ( Read more... )

My diet is completely different than what I was eating before. Having a hard time avoiding the carbs. I gave into myself a little bit and everyday I gave in a little more. Gained a pound1/2 back. No it's not muscle or water.
Why does this have to be such a struggle btw my ego and my surpassing my instinctual desires?
I get really tired of it ( Read more... )

with the recent tragedies in Afghanistan I feel that fear come over me.
Danes national guard friend got a phone call that he was being transferred to another unit and deployed as special forces to afghan in October,one month after graduation.
Way too close to home,ya know.
I'm really not ready for that. I don't think I'll ever be. He will be home ( Read more... )

This diet makes me nuts. I constantly go through foods I desire in my head. Buds broiler cheddar burgers, mozzarella sticks, grilled cheese sandwiches....
This is sick. Lol
Whole foods keeps me optimistic though.bought some shitake noodles so I can eat spaghetti.I also got dairyfree cheese sauce for Mac and cheese. I hope it's not gross. I need ( Read more... )