So now, i'm dating a new girl. Been over two weeks. Jessika Hamilton. met on plentyoffish.com. Religious, smart, third year svsu student. good family. morals. standards. great person. i can't help but wanna dive right in from time to time and others, just be laid back and as it comes. sometimes i wonder why even be in a relationship. I'm not sure ( Read more... )

For all the times i've been there - shame on me ( Read more... )

Back to being single. It was my call. It was for the better. She didn't make time for me, she couldn't. And now when she was over, she still was all happy an' such but I don't know what her response to everything. I don't know. I always say that if something means enough, you'll make time. Maybe not everything. Maybe not me. Maybe things aren't the ( Read more... )

So its my birthday. Bombs droppin everywhere. Marianne has taken a dive for the worst. She can't come basically at all. There goes the whole of today's plans. Ken can't come or whatever, he's camping with the daughter. So here i am sittin on the couch at noon on my birthday and ain't nothing happening. Not sure whats to become of marianne and I. ( Read more... )

With marianne. Lovin' it. Trying to keep my head up and stay ahead of the stupid past attitude. Not so much, my ex's or w/e but the idea it won't last. I have faith in myself and marianne but odds are against us. It'd be nice to be with her, shes nice, kind, awesome, fun, likes me for me and we get along amazingly, but. Our paths, much seperate. I ( Read more... )

Help. I'm calling out to you, i need you. But i don't know who you are or where you are or if you are even here..... please....find me. I need you. I'm loosing control.

Screw it. I'm remembering what went wrong when we were together. The pissed part of me is being remembered and idk. Tired of the b.s. Tired of all kinds of crap. Trying to talk on the phone while writing this. Keep loosing my train of thought. All i want to do is flat out tell everyone how i feel about everything. Some people need it ( Read more... )

Made a deposit for the first time ever into my dcecu account today. felt great ( Read more... )

I'm taking the time to say goodbye.
Today i'm beginning the shut down.
No more caring. No more feelings.
No more getting left behind.
No more getting hurt.

(To any livejournal associate or passerbye reader, this is NOT
a suicide note of anykind. I repeat it is NOT. I'm just
changing who i am inside.)

TIRED. TIRED of the routine, tired of noone being there. Tired of being tired. Please let me wake up to two years ago and make this mess right. If i could have any one thing in the world, it would be to go back and change what I did. I'm so full of regrets. Its not holding me back from the future but....it is slowly killing me.