it used to hurt so much when he used to hurt me. anytime and everytime something was said, about another woman, or about his lack of interest, or anything like that; it would feel like dying. his words would hit me, even if they were words in the form of text on a cellphone screen, like a slap. my stomach would give out and it would feel like being ( Read more... )

christmas kind of went to shit. mark didn't want to see me. tim wasn't there on christmas day (and i subsequently made a tit of myself with him). i saw my friends but once (marian twice). new years eve was a bit of a shambles. not bad, just not good. it was my sister's birthday on saturday, and on boxing day, her's and gerard's tenth anniversary ( ( Read more... )

when did my father start looking so old? while searching his face for the features that have transcended into my own, i realised he looks nothing like the image i have in my brain when i think of 'dad'. well, similar, i guess. just a lot older.. almost haggard. it's an odd thought; aging parents. i just cannot imagine what it will be like to have ( Read more... )

it was my sister's birthday party last night. her birthday actually falls on the 29th, but obviously that is a rather shit time to plan a party because most people are skint from christmas, already have plans, or are saving their money for nye. anyway. it was in the function room of this hotel/pub in blisworth. it wasn't a huge party, there were ( Read more... )

i don't know why i feel so normal, and unemotional, considering this is the end. i think it's because (if you can possibly believe this) i seem to have an eternally optimistic mindset. no matter how bad things get, i always seem to carry on believing that our whole... thing, will live to see another day. that little flame of hope never dies out. ( Read more... )

i'm so fucking tired of spending any time outside of my room, with people that i don't even like or really get on with. how is it so hard to find just a single person that i click with? how is it so hard to be normal; a normal teenager with a normal university life ( Read more... )

oh, green and blacks organic milk chocolate, why do you addict me so?

mal·a·droit [mal-uh-droit]
-adjective
lacking in adroitness; unskillful; awkward; inept.

it is the fourth saturday that i have spent in my room, bored, alone, with nothing to do. fantasy and reality are fast becoming inverted as i think more and more about what could have been, what could be, who could be. i ashamedly explain my situation to my best ( Read more... )

reason 4586 why religion is shit

i've been ill for say.. the past half-week or something. cold. but now the cold's ebbing away, leaving me with an awful cough instead. i've never had lemsip in my life. today i bought some but haven't actually tried any yet because it looks pure rank. i look pure rank. as various university pictures show. what i would give to change my appearance. ( Read more... )